Listen Now

Episode Transcription

 Welcome back to another episode of the Rota Life Podcast, episode 1 0 2. Let's go What we got this week. Well, you know, this week we just had a infinite relationship mastermind call today, and this is what we were talking about on that call and we thought it would be helpful to talk about.

With everybody. So right now on the Infinite Relationship Mastermind, we are doing a course called your relationship with Adventure and Freedom within Your Relationship. And Today, this topic we were talking about, the obstacles to that adventure and freedom and we've really got to thinking that they're really the obstacles to everything in life.

It's a big life you wanna live. Yeah. These are the three obstacles that come up. Whenever you're trying to do something big, something new, something different and, and we've got some examples from our own life and journey, our road of life, if you will, that we're gonna share with you. So the three obstacles to living your big life, making the decision to live your big life, taking the action to live your big life.

Number one, fear and fear often manifests as perfectionism, as procrastination, as analysis paralysis.

Those are some of the ways fear manifests, so you can recognize it for us and for us, this came up. Doing this podcast? Yes. This very podcast we had. So we, this is episode 1 0 2. Mm-hmm. We've been doing this for almost two years now, and it almost didn't get even get started because we had so many false starts.

We recorded episodes after episode, I think we probably had about 10. Yep. That were never released. They were never good enough, quote unquote, good enough for the podcast. So we just kept hitting. Restart, restart, restart. And it was our perfectionism. Yep. You know, rearing its ugly head of like, yeah, but is this really good enough?

Are you gonna show this to the world? You think people are gonna listen to this? Like, Hmm, I don't know. And so it took us a while. And in fact, one of the episodes that we've recorded, we've told the story several times on the podcast and on our journey of, we were on a hike in Arizona and.

Mayor, we told it a few episodes ago with the trigger episode. Fell on her face. Yeah. Well, that particular day we actually recorded a podcast episode on the top of that mountain , we packed the bag full of our, you know, headset, portable podcast gear, portable equipment, and we never released the episode.

It just never, I don't even know where it is. Lost in the ether. We don't have it anymore. It's gone. Yeah. . And that was, , way before that was, I think probably a few months before we actually released the few episodes first. That was in March. We released the first episode in October. Yeah. So six months.

We were recording episodes six months before we actually released our first episode. And we never used any of them. And the reason the obstacle was fear, fear, fear. We were afraid to put ourselves out there. We were afraid of, judgment. Mm-hmm. If really is what it comes down to. Failure of looking stupid, of nobody listening, of, yeah.

Being judged of, but the thing is, nobody listens if you don't actually hit record. So anyway, so that was the first obstacle. Yeah. Second obstacle. Second obstacle is . Uncertainty. Uncertainty manifests as anxiety, avoidance, hesitation, and we felt all three of those things when we left our corporate job.

Sure did. We, I would say, thrived in certainty in structure and organization in that corporate world. That was easy. We were good at that. Walking away from that was hard. Because there was an incredible amount of uncertainty. It's all we had ever known corporate. We grew up believing. You go to school, you work hard, you get good grades, you go back to school, you get more good grades, you graduate, you join the corporate life, and then eventually, and you climb the corporate ladder, do all the things that corporate employees do, and then eventually you just die.

And you retire first, hopefully. Yeah. Well sometimes and sometimes you don't. Mm-hmm. And. Yeah. That was the life that we knew. And so when we were offered this opportunity to pivot, it was really, really scary. But just for some reason on our heart, it, it was there, there was a calling of, you know, there's something different.

Maybe you can do a different mm-hmm. You can take a different path. You can take a different road of life, if you will, and. It was a flashing exit sign off the default life highway. And even though it was on our heart, it was still an uncertain path. It was an uncertain road. Mm-hmm. And it was one that, it was really, really scary.

But I would say we hesitated. I would say we avoided, I would say we did all those things. As we were trying to make the decision until, we just couldn't anymore. Well, you were in that unique situation. We were faced with a decision. , You have to do one or the other. Yeah. Luckily, thankfully I'm grateful every day that we chose the way we did, we could have easily have chosen the other path.

Mm-hmm. The one of comfort, the one of what certainty, what we know, more certainty but we didn't, we ultimately gambled and took a mm-hmm. And it's funny because that on ourselves, when we were trying to make that decision, how many plans. Do you think we made? Yeah, like , we had a notebook. I wish, I hope you still have that.

You probably don't. Where we would write out all the different plans and how we were going to live life differently, what we were going to do instead of the corporate life. Trying to create certainty for ourselves because there was so much uncertainty involved in the decision. And to your point, inevitably, we just had to eventually decide and just go because , we literally had a time limit and a decision that had to be made.

That actually worked in our favor, even though it felt stressful in the moment that it forced us to make a decision, because that level of uncertainty, the level of hesitation, avoidance, and anxiety we were feeling could have prolonged that decision inevitably if we weren't forced on a timeline with that decision.

And I think that's what happens when a lot of people who don't have that, river bank or that thing that's forcing them to make a decision, is that the uncertainty just keeps them in that analysis paralysis. Mm-hmm. Almost kind of in perpetuity. It's like I'll always. A never ending loop of, yeah, I'll get to it sometime at some point, but there's other bigger things that I've got on the go and I'll get to that later, and then a later never comes.

Mm-hmm. And then eventually it just, it never happens. Yeah. So having that is a blessing in disguise. It forces your feet to the fire to make a decision and to act and to go. And so, yeah, I'll be forever grateful for that. But yeah, uncertainty is number two. Yeah. Number three, 13, second obstacle, third obstacle number three, resistance.

Yeah. What does that look like? Procrastination, defensiveness, I would say. So you tell 'em the example after this one. Okay. So you've probably heard the story before if you've been listening for 102 episodes now. But I used to hate running. Hated it. Thought it was dumb anti runner. Never wanted to run. He was a bit of a runner.

We started doing a little running when we had a nice trail behind our house and I was running about 5K at a time, a couple of two or three days a week. And he wanted to set a goal of running a marathon, and he kept encouraging me to set a running goal and I kept saying, yeah, okay, I'll set a goal of running 10 K.

I've never done that before. That's a goal. I can do that. And he kept challenging me. Meanwhile, you're running eight, running five, and you kept challenging me saying you could literally run 10 K tomorrow. Like if, I was chasing you or someone was chasing you, if a bear was chasing you. You would run 10 K, no problem.

And every time he said that, I would get defensive and I would cry every time. Probably happened, I know, three times, three or four times probably. And I was feeling a ton of resistance. One, because it was really outside of the identity I had for myself, I was not a runner. That was not part of who I was.

Half marathons are things that runners do, so that was really outside of my identity also. So that, I think that's where , the biggest piece of resistance came from for me. With that, I think there was also an element of fear of failure, and actually I think when we really think hard about these three, I think all of them do boil down to a fear judgment of.

Everything comes down to a fear of judgment in the end. 'cause my fear of failure is usually predicated on people's judgment of my failure versus my failure in a vacuum. So I think all of these do boil down to a fear of judgment from other people. Yeah. But I had a really hard time, like I had a real resistance to that until eventually I did set the half marathon goal and I did run 10 K on my training plan and I did run a half marathon , and.

And probably eventually you'll run a marathon. Yeah. It seems unlikely. It feels like a little bit of resistance, but I think the point of this is that these three obstacles are going to present themselves , at least one of them. Every time you try to do something different outside of your comfort zone, every time you try to grow mm-hmm.

, It's your mind telling you that you're unsafe. Mm-hmm. But it's a mirage it's not true. We've got this, system built within us, and it was for the old times when Saber tooth Tigers roam the earth. And, , we needed to have a finely tuned system of, , finding, danger in the, wild.

Most of the time what we're doing isn't actually danger. It's not unsafe for us to do. Even though our body still reacts that way, it wasn't unsafe for us to drop our first podcast episodes. It really wasn't. It really wasn't. So it's all a mirage and it's your mind playing tricks on you. And the antidote to all three of these fear, uncertainty, and resistance is to just do it.

Like Nike has it, right? Just do it. Take the action, move that, and then as you do, you gain confidence. And then it's like, okay, this isn't as bad as I thought. Like when we hit record on the podcast, oh, this isn't as bad as we thought. Like, let's just keep doing, let's just keep showing up. Let's just keep hitting record.

Oh, that, five kilometers turned into six pretty quick. Oh, that six turned into seven pretty quick. Oh, that wasn't so bad., I ran eight kilometers yesterday. Oh, I'm already running 10 K. No problem. Oh, I ran 15 kilometers. I know I can run 21. I just ran 16 K.

I've run 5K so many times. If I can just run five more K on top of the 16, I ran a half marathon. Also, huge congratulations on using antidote properly in that Thank you little description. I appreciate you. And the other thing I think that's important with these obstacles is that when they come up, especially in a relationship, they are gonna do one of two things.

Drive you further apart or bring you closer together. And it's all about how you address these obstacles together when I was feeling that resistance for that half marathon challenge, I shut down and did not wanna talk about it. I did not wanna share, I didn't wanna talk about my identity.

I didn't wanna talk about my fears. I was like, leave me alone. I don't want to talk about this. Stop challenging me. But what that does is puts distance between us. And it puts the opportunity for misunderstandings and miscommunication and not sharing and not being vulnerable. And, when I'm doing that, he is making up stories in his head about why I am shutting down and what I don't want to talk about and what's going on with me.

And so that creates more distance between us, which creates more potential for misunderstandings and miscommunications. It's funny, on the Mastermind today, one of the members said like, it's so. Obvious, like it's so illogical not just to lead vulnerably and share what's going on and share what you're afraid of and share your feelings, like it just makes so much sense to do that instead of not do that.

It doesn't make it easy, but when you share what's going on with you, you give the other person the opportunity to show up for you. And when your person shares something with you, something that they're feeling, something that they're afraid of, something that's took a little bit of courage and vulnerability to share.

There's three things you need to do. We've talked about all of 'em on this podcast before, but the first one is listen to understand. 'cause so many times when we're in a conversation with someone and they stop talking, we're just waiting for them to stop talking. So we can start talking, get our point across, as opposed to listening to actually understand their point of view and where they're coming from.

So the first thing is listen to understand, second thing. Validate their feelings when they bring up something. First thing, let them know that you see them, that you hear them, that you support them, that you love them, and that their feelings are valid because they're a human going through a human experience.

And as a human, if you're feeling something, it's completely valid. Yep. And then the third thing is gratitude. Appreciate them. Appreciate that they were willing to come forward and share something so vulnerable with you that you are a safe space and that they felt safe enough with you to share their vulnerability.

So that's it. That's all. Those are the three, basically the only three obstacles you're going to face to living that giant, big life you wanna live, whatever that looks like. And really, they all boil down to one. And so trying to recognize how that's showing up in your life and then be able to communicate.

To the important people in your life, how you're feeling and what you're afraid of, and what's holding you back is how you're going to be able to move forward. So on that note, what's one thing you're gonna do today coming out of this conversation? ' Maybe it's an action to fight. The fear or uncertainty or resistance that you're feeling with something that's in your life right now.

There's probably something right now. That you can think about that it's like, oh, I really, I've been meaning to do that. I really wanna do this. I've been talking about doing this. It's been on my heart for a long time. What's one action you can take towards that thing? Yep. And on that note, we'll see you next week.

Before we wrap up, we just want to remind you about something really special we've created. The Infinite Relationship Mastermind. It's like a VIP backstage pass for anyone looking to level up any and all of their relationships in their life. And we're not just talking about the relationship with your spouse.

Though it does include that one. We're also talking about the relationships with yourself, your friends, your business partners, your family, all the important people in your life. This mastermind is for anyone ready to take all of their relationships to a whole new level. Whether you're thriving and you want to thrive even more, or you're feeling a little stuck and need some extra love and support.

We host exclusive live courses. We create a safe, no judgment space where members can just open up and honestly just have a ton of fun connecting with other amazing people who are, building stronger, relationships. And to be honest, the transformations we've seen are incredible and it's exactly why we do what we do.

It fills our heart like nothing else. Now, we are super protective of this community because it is all about trust, love and support. So it's not for everybody, but if this does sound like it might tickle your fancy, then check out the link in the show notes and reach out to us if you have any questions, we'd love to chat and see if it's a fit for you.

And as always, thank you so much for being a part of our journey on The Road of life. And remember, you've got this, and we're here to help you every step of the way. So we'll see you next week. Bye for now..