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📍 It makes no sense for everyone to have the same strengths and do the same things on a team. You need a cross-sectional. Badass group of superheroes on the same team doing different things.

You've built the business, you're crushing it in your career, you've scaled your impact, but are you winning at home? Welcome to the 200% Marriage podcast. We're Meredith and Craig, and we're here to help you kill that domestic drag and turn your partner into your most elite teammate. From Russian taxi mishaps to hailstorms on the summit, we're sharing the raw and real stories and tactical drills you need to move out of roommate-ville and into your 200% life.

So grab your gear. It's time to build an unstoppable team. Let's dive in Welcome back to another episode of the 200% Marriage Podcast with Meredith and Craig.We're reading the book, the 200% Marriage. You're a Winning Playbook to Be An Unstoppable Team.We are in part four. We are at chapter 16. We are reading the chapters that we each wrote. I wrote this chapter, so I am going to read it.

Let's get going.Chapter 16, same team, different positions.It's not that kind of chapter.The main ingredient of stardom is the rest of the team, John Wooden,we've already covered this, but it bears repeating because it is that important.

Marriage is a team sport. Actually. Scratch that. It's the ultimate team sport.When you get married, you literally tie your results, your wins, and your losses directly to someone else's forever. You're saying, Hey, we're in this together. You win, I win. You lose, I lose. Let's face this world together.And just like in sports, being on a team doesn't mean everyone plays the same position.

That would totally defeat the purpose of having a team.If everyone's playing the same position, doing the same thing, you might as well be playing golf.Here's where many couples struggle, they either don't see the value of their own or their teammate's contributions, or they feel like they're not contributing enough compared to their teammate or vice versa.

They don't understand that everyone's contributions are valuable to the team. Everyone's contribution matters.Here's the truth.You're not supposed to contribute the same things to the team. The magic of a team is that each player brings their own unique strengths and when you can appreciate those strengths, yours and your teammates.

You stop comparing. You stop competing and you start winning together.The big, strong mountain sized dudes who block for the quarterback are the reason the quarterback has time to throw the game. Winning touchdownmarriage is no different.Maybe you're the quarterback. Maybe you are the big mountain sized dude.

Maybe you are the powerhouse CEO Mom. Maybe you're the stay-at-home dad. Maybe you take on the role of primary caregiver for the kids while your teammate crushes a business meeting so the team can pay the mortgage and save up for a vacation. Either way, both of you are contributing toward your dream and both of your contributions move the team forward.

This concept isn't easy for many people, and if you're struggling with it a bit, that's normal because think about it. We've been conditioned for our whole lives to play a single player game to compete. It starts in school where we're taught that mistakes are bad.Seriously, don't even think about coloring outside the linesyou spelled conscientious wrong.

Out comes the infamous red pen, you're taught that being right is the ultimate goal. And don't forget about grades because nothing screams teamwork, like getting pitted against your classmates to see who earns the highest marks,but it doesn't stop there.Once you graduate, welcome to the workforce where competition cranks up to a level 33 out of 10.

Performance ratings, promotions, bonuses, they're all handed out based on how you stack up against your colleagues, there are only so many exceptional and strong performance ratings to go around. So you are literally competing with the person in the cubicle next to you for your ratings, bonus, and stock options.

So yeah, no wonder your default programming is competition. It's not your fault. But it is your responsibility to change it if you want that kick ass connected marriage we've been talking about,and we see it all the time with our clients. They've been socialized to compete even in their relationships, keeping score of their contributions compared to their teammates contributions.

I make more money than you, so it's your job to pick up the slack at home. I'm working so hard to build our business, but you never appreciate how much I do.Raising our kids isn't as important as your business tripssaying or silently believing in your own head that your work is more important than their work or vice versa, sets up your relationship as a competition.

And that's just not how it works.Let's break it down.Yes, one teammate needs to travel to work events, build relationships, and network to move the business forward.But you know what's also important? Potty training your kid.Let's be honest, your dream life probably doesn't include an 11-year-old still rocking pull-ups, or worse yet shitting on the floor.

Every contribution matters. Every contribution gets your team closer to your goals. When you start comparing what you do to what they do, you're putting yourself in competition with your teammate, and we just spent all this time convincing you to get on the same team.So how do you stop?Here's a neat trick we learned from our friend Marla Coffin.

She's a superstar business coach.Think about your marriage or your family as a business. I know sounds sexy, right?Stick with us. It gets sexier. Super steamy stuff incoming.We'll call your business couples goals, L-L-C-C-G-L-L-C for short. Feel free to steal it if it's still available.Now you're gonna consider how every decision and every action either of you takes impacts cg, LLC.

You're going to ask yourself, does what I'm doing right now move CG LLC closer to its goals?Here are a few examples.Planning and cooking healthy meals for the familycloser, it builds the health and vitality of the whole team. We can't do much of anything if we don't have energy or our health.

Traveling to Los Angeles for a high profile business eventcloser.A hundred percent because it opens doors and creates opportunities. Both of these move the team forward. Both are equally important. It's about remembering that just because you didn't score the winning goal doesn't mean you didn't contribute.

Just because you didn't crush the sales call that led to a big contract that helped set up your family's financial future, doesn't mean you didn't contribute,give credit for all the essential roles, like listening and providing feedback on the presentation. The suggested edit might have made all the difference to that client.

Give credit for feeding the kids and putting them to bed. So the other teammate has space and mental energy to prepare for the call.Unstoppable teams are made up of teammates who show up and play their role. Rule number one, unstoppable teams understand that everyone's contribution matters.Boom. Boom.

Chapter 16, rule number one. Unstoppable teams understand that everyone's contribution matters.It's so true, like teams are made up of all these different roles. It makes no sense for everyone to have the same strengths and do the same things on a team. You need a cross-sectional. Badass group of superheroes on the same team doing different things.

Mm-hmm. I mean, could you imagine Tom Brady trying to throw a pass and him run down the field trying to catch it? I've seen, I've seen Tom Brady try to catch a ball. It cost him a Super Bowl. I don't think the throw is really great, but there's another example. Tom Brady didn't throw the ball, someone else did.

Tom Brady's the guy who throws the ball, and Randy Moss is the guy who catch the ball. Tom Brady should throw the ball. Someone else should catch the ball always. It's just a beautiful example that totally different skill sets. A team needs different skill sets, and so expecting that you're both gonna play the same position and execute on the exact same strengths and skills makes no sense.

in fact, it makes your team weaker if you have the exact same strengths and skills ' cause who's covering the blind spots and comparing yourself because someone else's, in your view, skillset is sexier or more in the eye of the public or whatever, or you wish you had that skillset, but they have it and they're doing things that you would like to be doing, comparing your skills to theirs or comparing and contrasting with each other, it just sets up competition. Mm-hmm. It's, it's a no win proposition. Mm-hmm. It's a no win proposition. I, I love. I just, I love this rule because everyone's contribution to the team is so important and, and the examples that we gave in the book are related to different things we've heard from clients over the years, Dale and Marla, with the business, the couple's goals.

Yeah, so Marla actually presented that at a women's retreat that we were at together, couple a year, around a year or so, a little over a year ago. A couple years ago, and.It, it was so helpful for people. Yeah. Like I watched so many people be like, oh, okay. Like, let's,I gotta think bigger. It's not just about this piece and this piece and this piece.

Like our future is all of the pieces. It's about all of the, like to, to what you said in the book, like our dream future that we wanna live does not include a 12-year-old who pees the bed at night. So potty training the kids is fucking important, but I'm not putting enough value on that piece that's happening.

So because, because it's not tied to some sort of, we're all hung up on money. Mm-hmm. Let's, let's be honest, because it doesn't have anything to do with creating revenue or money into the family, into the business, whatever. So I put more, uh, emphasis on their skillset because they're the one that's going out interacting with clients and getting income coming in, and I'm just over here doing the baby stuff.

Mm-hmm. Or the home stuff.And it's incredibly valuable to do that stuff so that they can go and do other things. Mm-hmm. That create that income. Like it, it just because the income is coming in, based on directly on the thing that they're doing, does not mean that the thing you're doing does not help contribute to that.

Correct. And one of my favorite examples of this, and I, I didn't think of it this way when we, when we first heard this quote, I'll call it.Going back to Dale and Marla. We had them on a podcast a few years ago and they had just had twins and Marla was breastfeeding the twins. And Dale says, we, like coffin inc. Here.

We collectively are producing 2000 milliliters of breast milk a day.Two liters of milk, two liters of breast milk a day being produced collectively by Dale and Marla. Dale obviously is not directly contributing to any of the milk production. Mm-hmm. Obviously that's all coming outta Marla. Mm-hmm. But for Marla to be able to pump and produce that much milk, Dale has to contribute.

Dale has to make sure that the three little kids running around, they're contained so that Marla can sit down and do that, and the food and the preparation and like, there's, there's a lot that goes into producing two liters of breast milk a day. Mm-hmm.Andwe all had a good chuckle when Dale said, yeah, collectively, Marla and I produce 2000 milliliter.

But it's true. It's true though. It's the most true thing I've ever heard. It's funny, but it's also true. Yeah. On the Dale's contribution doesn't, on the, on the surface, he's obviously not actively producing any milk. Right. But he's allowing Marla the opportunity and the time to produce the milk. Yeah. So it's, it's one of my very favorite examples of this in action.

Yeah. Because on the surface.Dale's not contributing to the milk production. Let's be serious. And it's like, no, Dale is contributing to the milk production without Dale. Marla cannot sit there and produce all that milk. Yeah, because also funny, Marla's app would keep track. I forget what it was, but it was like days and days and days it takes to produce the milk over, over that span of time, I believe over the course of a year.

One full month was milk production, something like that. So that's a lot of time. Right. So anyway, that's my favorite, my favorite example of everyone's contribution matters. So, so Marla, your, your milk production story's out there. I'm sorry if that was supposed to be on the dl. Um, but you're prolific and people need to know.

And so Coffin Dairies, to be fair, they did share it on a podcast already. Okay. Fair enough. We're good? Yeah. Cool. We're good.

Going back to competition.I was very conditioned growing up. 'cause I was, as we discussed previously, perfectionist, my grades were very important. I wasalways competing for the top average and all those things. And that I can see, I can see that.And then when I transitioned to corporate, it got worse.

If it's possible. Because I distinctly remember well, I mean, grades are one thing, but now we're going to the big leagues. Yeah. And now, now attach compensation and money to it. Right. Well, there was a little bit of that because came on, there was a little bit of that in school because of scholarships and stuff, and I, yeah, I, I got my scholarships and I got my, my stuff.

Yeah, but you're right. Level it up in corporate. And I didn't realize, like, I did not realize scholarships is one thing,butcash for likeshoes or. Clothes or a vacation. Now it would be experiences, but back then yeah. You know for sure the things and the vacation. Yeah.

Yeah. And so I, I did not realize this is how it worked. And so in my, my first performance review, I got an exceptional performance rating in my second year. I got exceptional. My third year I got whatever was right under exceptional, strong, strong. And I was pissed. One 'cause I'm a perfectionist.Two, because my compensation, my raise, my bonus and my share options stock up, whatever they're called, I can't remember now, are all tied to that assessment. Yeah. And whenI had an uncomfortable conversation with my boss and asked why.I'm doing better than I did the last two years. I'm a better employee now 'cause I'm, I know more and I'm contributing even more. How could I possibly be coming down in my rating? It doesn't make sense.

And he explained to me that, well, there's only one exceptional for our team here, this group of of people. There's only one because it's on a curve. And so I gave it to this other person this yearand I was like a WTF.B, well now she's my enemybecause if she gets it, I don't, yeah. If I get it, she doesn't.

That's what I'm saying. that's why we say this in the book is like,we're doing it backwards. We think that we're creating teams. We, we wanna have a, a, a well-oiled machine of a team at work.We've got goals. Mm-hmm. And we wanna achieve those goals. Yeah. As a team. But then you're hitting, you pit me against her.

You're pitting everyone against each other. Correct. For bonuses, stock options, correct. Promotions, all the things. We're competition. We're not a team. And if I was a really bad, like I'm not, I was a good person, I still helped her. But likethere were times where I didn't want to. But not,and not everyone is.

No. And not everyone was. There are many times where people would.Undermine would sabotage totally. Or, or give wrong information or not send the email that needed to happen to get the thing over the line. And because they wanna be the hero and they wanna have the exactly exceptional performance rating.

And so, but that's what we, that's what we create. That's the system. The system is set up that way to create that outcome.That's what we're trying to unwind with these five rules, is this deeply ingrained behavior that it's me first. If you're not with me, you're against me and if you stand in my way, I'm gonna run you over.

Competition comes up a lot. Competition and score keeping, which are all tied together, come up a lot in these rules. And the majority of us have been deeply conditioned in that school, corporate, all the places for a long time. So again, like we've talked about in the last chapter, a lot of grace is required mm-hmm.

To do this because. This is going against your default nature that you've grown up with for a very long time. So there's gonna be some bumps. Also. Can we just have a moment? Like, these basketball coach quotes are so good. Yeah. The, so every Unstoppable rule has, it's not all basketball coaches, but it is all,uh, sports coaches, sports, sports team.

Yeah. So the next one is gonna be football, but yes, I found that the quotes from from legendary coaches are bang on, are very good for this section. Very good for this section. So shout out to these Hall of Fame coaches for their wisdom and brilliance. We appreciate you and the next one is a very, very popular, uh, no longer with us rest in peace.football coach that is very big in pop culture. That's all I'll say. He's very big in pop culture. Leave it on a cliffhanger. Very big in pop culture. If you're a gamer, you might know what I'm talking about. Stick around to hear or see what I'm talking aboutin the next episode, whichis gonna be chapter 17.

No growth, no glory.See you next week.Bye.

And that's a wrap on this week's briefing. If this episode hit a nerve, don't let your momentum die Head over to the 200percentmarriage.com/unstoppableteam to take the unstoppable team audit. Find out exactly where your domestic drag is hiding so you can start optimizing your team today.And if you love the show, share it with another power couple who refuses to settle for fine, because a 200% life is better with a community.

See you on the next adventure