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📍  ultimately, we're all trying to become the best version of ourselves, and to do that, you have to grow. And if you're in a relationship with someone else, ultimately, if you're not growing together, you're growing apart

  You've built the business, you're crushing it in your career, you've scaled your impact, but are you winning at home? Welcome to the 200% Marriage podcast. We're Meredith and Craig, and we're here to help you kill that domestic drag and turn your partner into your most elite teammate. From Russian taxi mishaps to hailstorms on the summit, we're sharing the raw and real stories and tactical drills you need to move out of roommate-ville and into your 200% life.

So grab your gear. It's time to build an unstoppable team. Let's dive in

  📍 Welcome back to another episode of the Two Hundred Percent Marriage podcast with Meredith and Craig. We are reading the book The Two Hundred Percent Marriage: Your Winning Playbook to Be an Unstoppable Team.

And today we are on chapter 17. We are each reading the chapters that we've written, and chapter 17 happens to be one that I wrote, so I am going to read it.

So I'm off duty. Go ahead. And then,

and then we'll have a chitchat afterwards. Chapter 17: No Growth, No Glory.

"The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer," John Madden. "The essence of life is growth." That's a quote from Jim Rohn. He's basically the godfather of personal growth and Tony Robbins' mentor, so yeah, he's a pretty smart guy. With that quote, he was pointing out that humans have an innate desire to grow.

To fully reach our potential and live a fulfilling life, we need to grow continuously. It's the purpose of our time here on Earth, to evolve, to become better. This isn't just an opinion. It's backed by science. And since we've already established that science is pretty smart, let's not dive into all the nitty-gritty because frankly, it's boring AF and not all that helpful for you in the long run.

But if you are the kind of person who has to know the color of the deckchairs on the Titanic, go look up Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

In your relationship, you've got two people with the same innate drive to grow and evolve into the best versions of themselves. The best teams know this and embrace it together. Because if you think about it, if one of you is meeting this need and growing while your teammate doesn't, the result is distance between you.

One of you is moving while the other is standing still. You're literally putting distance between you. But if both of you join each other on that growth trajectory, then you grow together. Not only does distance stop forming, but you also keep learning about each other, showing up for each other, and deepening your bond.

Growth together equals strength together. The best teams practice and commit to improvement for themselves and for the team. If you watch great teams, it's clear they grow together. But if you look closely, the very best teams also challenge each other. They push one another to keep getting better and stepping into their best selves.

When you challenge each other, you're keeping the relationship alive and exciting. You're saying, "I care enough to push you, even when it's uncomfortable." That keeps things from getting stagnant. Plus, you're building team resilience because life isn't always easy. If you can work through the small challenges together, you'll be ready for the bigger stuff.

The best part? Challenging each other sparks a cycle of growth and mutual admiration. You'll look at your teammate and think, "Wow, they're really out here trying to be better, and I get to be part of that." At the end of the day, it's not about perfection. It's about being teammates who believe in each other.

So yes, sometimes it's a gentle nudge, sometimes it's a hilarious reminder, and sometimes it's a full-on, "You've got this," pep talk. But every time, the message is the same: I love you enough to want the best for you and for us. Marriage is a team sport, and the best teams always push each other to win. We're gonna go on a quick side quest because we get asked this question everywhere, podcasts, TV shows, magazine interviews.

What happens if one partner is focused on growing and the other isn't? Sadly, there isn't one magic bullet, one-size-fits-all answer. Take our friend, for example. He had a tough upbringing and desperately wanted to change his family's stars. Legacy matters deeply to him.

He wanted his family to have a completely different experience from the one he had growing up. He poured into personal growth, mindset work, health, and building generational wealth. He attended events, devoured books and podcasts, and networked with successful people who'd already done what he aspired to do.

He approached us for help because his girlfriend had no interest in any of this growth. She didn't want to be involved. And because he had grown so much, he was starting to feel the distance between them. Here's what we told him. One, it's an incredibly frustrating and difficult situation, and you're not alone. It's a situation that many people face. Two, you cannot talk people into their own future.

Growth has to be chosen or resentment builds, and resentment is poison for your relationship. And three, growth sits at the top of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. It is a human need- But higher priority needs, like food, safety, security, self-respect, must be met first. If someone doesn't crave growth, odds are they're missing a need somewhere lower in the pyramid.

So it becomes a choice. Are you willing to help them identify the unmet needs keeping growth off their radar? And even if you are, are they willing to take that journey with you?

Our friend's girlfriend wasn't. She was content with where she was. She wasn't ready to explore her needs or make growth a priority. As much as he loved her, he realized it wasn't going to work, and they parted ways. Not all relationships are lifetime relationships. Some relationships exist for a reason.

Some relationships exist for a season, and some relationships exist for life. If you find someone willing to grow with you, those are likely lifetimers. Lean into those people. Growing together is the underrated super glue that keeps you bonded. Okay, side quest over. Back to regularly scheduled programming.

As you know from the beginning of our story, when we got together, we were both in the corporate world. From day one, we were intentional about keeping our relationship out of the ditch. It was good, very solid, but it shifted from good to great once we started our growth journey together. Our first in-person personal growth event was in Provo, Utah, the same one we mentioned back in chapter 10.

It's funny because we didn't know it was a personal growth conference when we signed up. Honestly, if we'd known, we probably wouldn't have gone. The universe working in our favor again. We thought it was a real estate and wealth investing conference.

It was billed as a, quote, "regular, run-of-the-mill real estate conference." We learned that they were being facetious, and it was not going to be what we thought. Shenanigans were afoot.

Sure enough, it didn't take long for things to get weird and deeply uncomfortable. They had us examining our limiting beliefs, and here's why that discomfort mattered. It fueled growth and deepened our connection to each other. Partway through day one, we watched a woman get on stage, talk about her deepest, darkest fears and beliefs that were holding her back. It was actually amazing to watch someone be so brave. The speaker helped her create an empowering belief to replace her limiting belief.

Then he had her write her limiting belief on the shaft of an arrow. "Don't worry," he says- It has a blunted tip, meaning this arrow wasn't going to take down a moose or anything, but the tip was still pointy and still metal. He held that arrow up to her neck, pointy tip sitting on that soft little divot in her neck, and the other end of the arrow firmly against his flat palm.

She yelled out her limiting belief, then her new empowering belief, and when instructed, she took one big confident step forward and snapped that arrow like a twig with her fucking neck. It was a sight to see. The crowd went wild. We were clapping and cheering and crying, very excited to watch her breakthrough and to know that she wasn't getting carried out on a stretcher. Obviously, after such an emotionally charged experience, it's time for a break, right? Wrong. The speaker announced that it was now our turn. His staff was busy handing out Sharpies and arrows.

We were terrified. We each wrote our limiting belief on the shaft of our arrows and came up with our empowering beliefs to replace that old shit in our operating system. Then we both yelled our limiting belief for anyone within earshot to hear. That was scary, to be honest. And we yelled out our new empowering belief, and we broke that mofo arrow with our throats like fucking superheroes.

As emotional as it was watching a total stranger do it on stage, it was another level to experience it ourselves, and it was something else completely to watch each other do it. To feel the fear for Mer, to watch her breakthrough, that's goosebumps level shit, for sure. The wildest part was that we both had similar limiting beliefs.

Details varied a bit, but the core of both of our limiting beliefs was that we weren't good enough. Hearing your teammate admit something like that shakes you. Neither of us could believe the other felt that way. Sharing those deep, dark thoughts out loud was terrifying. Neither of us wanted to do it, and if we had each gone to that event separately, discovered our limiting beliefs, and replace it with an empowering belief, it would have been life-changing by itself.

Going to that event together,- Experiencing it side by side changed everything. It brought us closer than we ever imagined. We learned so much about each other that day. We grew a lot that day, and we did it together. We got deeply vulnerable, which deepened our bond and emotional intimacy, and now we can support each other through those beliefs when they creep back in.

We've kept growing together ever since, and our bond has deepened exponentially, and that's the power of growing together. Sharing vulnerably, challenging each other, and being there to support each other along the way. That's how you become an unstoppable team. Rule number two: unstoppable teams grow together.

Chapter 17 in the books, literally

Rule number two, unstoppable teams grow together. I like this chapter, actually. I liked, I like telling the story from our first personal growth event, and I love that, to your point in the book, so true, that had we known it was a personal growth event, we definitely wouldn't have gone.

No, I don't

think so. Like, this is a real estate and wealth building event. I actually think it, there was a, a bunch of, um, opportunities for us to not have gone to this event, but the universe worked in our favor. Like, this was around the time that we had put the kibosh to the real estate business that we had first start.

Our first entrepreneurship, , dip in the water was, , a real estate company that we hated, and we've told that story many times. And w- w- while we were doing that, we registered for this event- ... thinking it was- Yeah, we got free tickets to it for something ... thinking it was a real estate event- Yeah

, and wealth building. And so we were like, "Okay, cool. We'll do then when we decided to not do the real estate business, we were like, "Well, we already have tickets to this. We might as well just go and see what it is and h- and have that experience." Yeah.

And also at that time, we had just closed the real estate business.

We didn't know what we were doing. We were in the process of learning those lessons that we needed to learn around chasing money and who we wanted to be and what we wanted to do. And good for us in that moment for realizing that we needed a change of scenery, like a change- Yeah ... of environment. Yeah

we had just been through January at home when it was wintery and snowy, and there was, like, two feet of snow that had fallen that month, and we were just- Yeah ... we need to get out of here. Yeah. And so I'm really actually quite proud of us 'cause that's not necessarily our- Yeah ... default way of doing it, - Back then

back then- For sure ... We just closed a business that failed. Spend the money , to fly down to Utah and- Go to this event ... change our environment.

So good

for us for, for being willing to change our environment and go somewhere new and experience something different, and good for us- the universe kind of hid what the point of this event was from us or we might not have been there

That's the thing all the things taken into consideration, had we're closing this business, we thought, "Well, it's real estate and wealth building, it's still probably helpful to know."

Had we known that it was not gonna be that- Mm-hmm ... and it was gonna be you're gonna go and talk about your feelings and, and limiting beliefs, and you're gonna, like, do it in front of a bunch of strangers and people that you,

uh- Not to mention bring arrows with your neck and shit.

Yeah. I don't know that I, I would've signed up for that.

Me neither. I probably would've been like, "Yeah, you know what? I'll sit this one out." So, but, you know, it all worked out exactly how it was supposed to.

And like you say in the book, I wanna just underline it a little bit because had I gone to the event by myself, it would've been beneficial. I would've learned some things.

I would've identified some limiting beliefs. I would've started on my personal growth journey. , it would've been beneficial as an individual to be there, and there was a lot of people there as individuals. But getting to do it together and experience those emotions and be- Mm-hmm ... that vulnerable with each other unlocked something.

Yeah. And it, for us, being there together and experiencing it together, when we talk about it after, we both know exactly what was going on. We were in there. We can go back to those moments. We can feel the feelings. We can e- experience it again. Someone who was there solo and then went back home to tell their teammate about it, it's a completely different experience because that teammate has no idea.

They didn't experience it. They didn't feel the energy. They weren't there. They don't feel the energy. They didn't take the lessons. there's something to be said for when you go to these events and you do it together. There's, one, the growing together, obviously the, the whole point of this chapter, but also just the experience that you now have.

It's a core memory, and we're gonna talk about core memories more in the book in later chapters, but it's another core memory for us that we now get to relive and have more good feelings about. And that's, it's just a gift for your relationship.

The opposite side of that, seeing our friend- Mm-hmm ... come to us and, talk to us about how he's on this trajectory, and he's going to these events similar to this one and learning all these things and growing and finding limiting beliefs and replacing them. And , he's, he used to be here, and now he's way up here, and- But his

girlfriend is still down here

but his girlfriend's

still down here. And he's going like, "What, what do I do? Like, I f- like, she wants to watch cartoons on the weekend. I wanna read Think and Grow Rich." Yeah. "Like, I, I wanna read that with her. I wanna go through it and talk about it with her. I don't wanna watch cartoons or TV shows or whatever."

And

in the end, you can't change anybody else You

can't. And- You can lead a

horse to water, you can't make them drink, and he ha- he was faced with a really difficult decision He

was. And though w- we all have this need to grow and evolve and become a better version of ourselves, sometimes that need is buried under other needs.

Like, some of our other needs may not have been met, and- Mm-hmm ... and it, like we talk about in the book, it's a decision that you now have to either, support them through whatever it is that's holding them back from wanting to grow. But again, that's a, th- there's two sides to every co- But they also have to be willing to take that journey, and if they're not, then you, you can't change someone.

You ha- you can't want it for them, and you can't talk someone into their own future. They have to come willingly, and they have to be wanting to step into that future themselves. And if they don't, then you have a tough decision.

Yeah, and I'm really proud of him for making that decision. It was sad. it wasn't an easy decision to do, to make.

But he made the best decision for himself to continue with his growth. And it

worked out best for him- And for her ... and her.

And we had another friend around the same time who was having the same problem, that he was going to all these events, learning all these things, and, trying to take that experience home with his wife, and she had zero interest in the personal growth game, zero interest in the entrepreneurship game.

That was his thing. He can do it. She was out. And didn't take long for him to stop coming to events.

Yeah.

And he was obviously in a very different position than the first guy was,

but he- Married with kids and- Totally ... yeah

Very different situation. Yeah. But he doesn't come to these events anymore.

Yeah, and his decision was, "I'm just not gonna go and do that to..." I, I'm, I'm-

Gonna stop growing apart ...

yeah. Mm-hmm. And so that's also a really tough decision. My concern for him, I don't know if it's ever gonna happen, but my concern for him is that resentment- Mm-hmm

will ultimately builds because we do have that desire to, to grow. And when we make a decision to not take that path because of our teammate not wanting to take it, and we don't wanna, upset the apple cart, so we're just gonna not do what's an innate desire for ourselves, it's like living someone else's life almost.

Running someone

else's race, you might say. Yeah. You're

not living your own, and so resentment will ultimately build . And, that's my concern .

So the growth is really important on an individual level- Mm-hmm ... but it's exponentially important in the relationship.

No growth, no glory.

Uh, ultimately, we're all trying to become the best version of ourselves, and to do that, you have to grow. And if you're in a relationship with someone else, ultimately, you wanna do that with someone- Mm-hmm ... 'cause if you're not growing together, you're growing apart. Correct. So that's it for this episode.

Next week, chapter 18, the little things are the big things. And I

think the co- the quote comes from another football coach, if I'm not mistaken If anyone's keeping track.

It does... Wait, we didn't talk about the quote in this one, John Madden. So John Madden, the, uh, in the last episode we talked about the quote being from a pop culture icon.

Mm-hmm. John Madden, the Madden football game. EA Sports,

Madden Football.

It's in the game or something. I for- I forget the... Anyway, John Madden, Madden Football, " the road to easy street goes through the sewer is an interesting quote for this chapter actually, because we all want the life with the things and the, the, the, the dream life with the house and the, the job and the relationship all ticking and humming along. And the truth is, is that to get all those things, you've gotta grow, and that's uncomfortable and-

Do things that are uncomfortable

you're going through

the sewer to get there. So it, it's, it's a really good quote of- A lot of hard work ... the road to easy street goes through the sewer. That's very true. Mm-hmm. And I thought it was a pretty good quote for this, this particular chapter. Anyway, that's chapter 17. Next week, chapter 18, The Little Things are the Big Things.

Bye.

 If today's episode gave you a new lens for your relationship, don't let it stop here. The best teams never stop training On Thursdays, we drop the Unstoppable Team newsletter on LinkedIn. It's our high-performance briefing designed to give you one tactical drill you can run with your teammate over the weekend.

So just search Meredith and Craig on LinkedIn, or click the link in the show notes to subscribe. Get the briefing, kill that domestic drag, and we will see you next Tuesday