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📍 If you're trying to bake a cake and the only ingredient you have is flour, you're fucked.

You're not gonna get a cake. It's the same with your marriage. If you have just a date night, it's just one ingredient. You're not gonna have a successful marriage. But that cake needs the flour. You have to have it, it just can't be the only ingredient. Same with your marriage. You need the date night, it just can't be the only ingredient for a successful marriage.

  You've built the business, you're crushing it in your career, you've scaled your impact. But are you winning at home?

Welcome to the 200% Marriage podcast. We're Meredith and Craig, and we're here to help you kill that domestic drag and turn your partner into your most elite teammate.

From Russian taxi mishaps to hailstorms on the summit, we're sharing the raw and real stories and tactical drills you need to move out of roommate-ville and into your 200% life.

So grab your gear. It's time to build an unstoppable team. Let's dive in

​

 Welcome back to another episode of The 200% Marriage podcast with Meredith and Craig. I know you've been keeping up and following along.

'Cause why wouldn't you be? Right. We've been reading our book, The 200% Marriage: Your Winning Playbook to Be an Unstoppable Team, and we're each reading the chapters that we wrote, and we're doing chapter 28 today, which I happened to write, so I'm going to read it. Let's get after it. Chapter 28: The ABDs of Marriage.

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other," Audrey Hepburn. For some reason, when we say, "I do," it's like we think we get a free pass to stop trying. We get complacent. We take for granted that our teammate will always just be there. But marriage isn't the finish line, it's the starting line. Getting married is the beginning of your journey together.

The beginning of any journey is when you hit the gas, not the brakes. Gas, gas, gas. Pursuing your teammate makes them feel wanted, desired, and loved. It shows them that they're worth the effort, and that you know it. So it's critical to get really familiar with the ABDs of marriage: Always Be Dating. We've already talked about how life gets busy.

Routines take over, responsibilities pile up, but that doesn't mean your teammate should be pushed to the back burner. Look ahead for a minute to when the kids are grown, finally out of the house, living their own lives. You're retired, you have money to hire help for the chores you despise. When all the distractions are gone, what will you be left with?

You'll be left with each other. You'll be left with whatever relationship you've created between now and then. Get honest with yourself. Do you want that relationship to be one that was largely ignored over the years? Where you're left in the later years trying to rediscover who this person even is, only to realize you've grown so far apart you don't even know them anymore, and you discover they don't know who you are anymore either.

Then you're stuck with a choice. Stay together out of convenience, but live like roommates, or even worse, strangers, or blow up the life you worked so hard to create and start over. I don't know about you, but to me, both of those options suck. Do you want your shit sandwich with mustard or mayo? What if you didn't have to eat a shit sandwich?

Because you don't, if you just put in the effort and do the work now. There's a saying, "The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The next best time is right now." The same applies to your marriage. The best time to plant your marriage, you know what I mean, is from the beginning. The next best time?

Right now. This was something I sucked at in my first marriage. My priorities were all wrong. We talked about this. I didn't do the work. We know how that ended. Now I put in the effort and I do the work. Mer and I both do. For example, we have a regular date night every Thursday. It's a non-negotiable, scheduled in the calendar.

Some weeks, we even have multiple dates, because why the fuck not? Sometimes life happens. Last week, something came up and we weren't able to have our Thursday date. But here's the key. We talked about it, and we rescheduled it. We made up for it on the weekend with an epic hike and some pizza. It's okay if something interrupts date night.

What matters is what you do in those moments. Do you skip it all together and let life win, or do you treat your marriage as a non-negotiable, recommit, and reschedule? That decision determines the marriage you'll have. Here's a harsh truth. Warning, it may ruffle your feathers. Your marriage has to be your number one priority over everything else in your life.

Literally number one. Top of the charts, no exceptions. You might be asking, "But what about the kids?" Fuck 'em Just kidding. But in all seriousness, they can be number two. Your marriage is number one, the person you chose to share your whole life with. They'll stick... They'll still be there long after your kids grow up and move on.

So let's be clear. If you don't have a regular date night, please understand you are fucking up right now. Put it in the calendar. Commit to it. Your date doesn't need to be extravagant or expensive. It doesn't even have to cost a dime. It just has to happen. A walk through your neighborhood, a coffee and some uninterrup- uninterrupted conversation, a dinner and a movie.

It doesn't matter. What matters is focused time to connect, and focused time means no distractions. No phones. Actually connect with each other in real life. No sitting on opposite ends of the couch watching Netflix, scrolling your phone, and calling it togetherness. This isn't about checking a box. It's about quality time, true connection.

It's about being present with each other because that's only... 'cause that's the only place happiness exists. You can only experience happiness right now in this very moment. Depression lives in the past, anxiety lives in the future, but happiness is in the present. When you're with your teammate, actually be with them.

And the really cool bonus of being present? More core memories. The more present you are, the more core memories you create. Core memories are those extra special, vivid snapshots that you can come back to again and again. And the more of those core memories you have, the more good feelings you create after the fact just from that one event.

You're building a whole library of fantastic memories you and your teammate can revisit together, like flipping through your own personal highlight reel whenever you want. That's pretty rad. Mer and I have been re-experiencing many of our core memories as we recount stories for this book. Even the ones that didn't make it into these pages brought us excitement, joy, and countless laughs.

Let me tell you about one of our... Let me tell you about one of our more recent dates. We were staying at a ski-in, ski-out resort. But we're not skiers, so it was off-season, and there was thankfully no snowing. And there was thankfully no snow. Instead, it was perfect for hiking. We were in the early stages of writing this...

We were in the early stages of writing this very book, honestly pretty absorbed in our work, and we decided we needed some fresh air before the thunderstorm forecast hit. We needed some fresh air before the thunderstorm forecast hit. Now, at the time, I was in my weighted vest era. Honestly, I still am as I write this.

Over 40, fighting Father Time with everything I've got. Yes, I know he's undefeated, unless you're Tom Brady, but I'm giving it my best effort. So we geared up and headed out. About 15 minutes into the hike, we heard thunder in the distance. We knew the storm was coming. We start reminiscing over... We knew the storm was coming.

We start reminiscing over a core memory from the last time we'd been caught in a thunderstorm 10 years prior. No. It's a story we tell in our 200% Marriage Challenge. You can grab it for free. It's in the free bonus you get with this book. It's in the aptly titled bonus section at the back. By the time we reached the top, the thunder s- was so loud and close, the s- s- got...

By the time we reached the top, the thunder was loud and close, and the skies opened up. Suddenly, like we'd somehow offended them, the angry clouds over our heads started girly- start hurling grape-sized hail down on us. I was in a T-shirt and shorts, plus the extra 40 pounds of my vest. Mer was smarter. She was in long pants and a hoodie.

We had no cover. We got pummeled. We decided to run to at least shorten the air... We decided to run to at least shorten the airstrike. As we barrel down the mountain in full sprint, I'm worried I'm about to go ass over tea kettle. I'm just praying my feet don't get too far out in front of me as I... as hail smacked our faces, arms, legs, every exposed surface.

We yelped with every hit. We finally made it back. I was bleeding from my ear, leg, and my arms were dotted with welts, and we couldn't stop laughing. We were laughing like kids on a playground because it reminded of it... because it reminded us of that storm 10 years ago. You'll get that story on day eight of 33 in the 200% Marriage Challenge.

And we just created another core memory. Not only did we just create more core memories from this storm, but we also relived core memories from the last one. Double the memories, double the laughs. Hopefully, there won't be a third hailstorm date, but if there is, at least we'll have more badass stories.

And that's the point. Go on dates. Be present. You'll share... Create memories you'll share on your front porch 50 years from now. That's what it's all about. That's why it's so essential to always be dating. And hey, bonus discovery, dating apparently leads to hailstorms. Hailstorms lead to welts, and welts are sexy.

You see where this is going? Yes, we're going there right now. Womp, womp, womp. Next chapter hint is the sex chapter. Aptly titled. Coitus power. Chapter 29, coitus power. The sex chapter, the one we've all been waiting for. I, I don't think anyone's waiting for it. But anyway. It's ch- it's the next chapter. It's just the running joke in the, in the book.

In the book. If you're a little bit of a... Anyway, so- Chapter 28

It's an interesting chapter. Always be dating 'Cause some people will say date nights are bullshit, and- Some people will. And I think- I don't agree ... I, I, I wholeheartedly disagree. It's connection time, like we literally just talked about in the book. But I think w- the one, the one thing I'll say is that if your relation- if you've neglected your relationship and then just think that a date night is gonna solve everything- Correct

that's, that's a problem. And if o- if you go to someone with, you know, your problems and they just recommend a date night with no other- you know, work to be done, no conversations, no repair, and all, all the stuff we talked about earlier in the book. If we're just skipping straight to a date night, y- oh, you- That is bullshit

oh, you're struggling? You need a date night? Get a, j- just book a few hours a week and everything- Go for a fancy dinner ... everything will be fixed. Yeah. That is bullshit. That is bullshit. That is- if, if the recipe that you're building is a 200% marriage, a happy, healthy, connected, thriving marriage, then date night is one ingredient.

Yes. For sure. But you need, all you need- But you need all the other ingredients too ... think if you're trying to bake a cake with just butter. Does butter go in a cake? With flour. Flour goes in a cake. Flour goes in a cake. If you're trying to bake a cake and the only ingredient you have is flour, you're fucked.

You're not gonna get a cake. It's the same with your marriage. If you have just a date night, it's just one ingredient. You're not gonna have a successful marriage. But that cake needs the flour. You have to have it, it just can't be the only ingredient. Same with your marriage. You need the date night, it just can't be the only ingredient for a successful marriage.

And I think people think date nights are, like, big things. They don't have to be. Just get out and go for a 20-minute walk. Just put on a, just put on a weighted vest, climb a mountain in a storm. Date night over. Do it without the storm if you can. Highly recommend. Um, well, it's interesting. Let's, like, just looking at this past week, our date night is normally Thursday night, and on Thursday night we went and watched a baseball game.

Yes, we did. A nine-year-old baseball game. Our nine-year-old nephew playing a baseball game. But- Played well, too. Yeah, he did. They won. Yeah. And but that wasn't our only connection point of the week. No. The, the day before, actually, when we finished work we just happened to be out by the beach so we went for a nice walk on the beach at golden hour.

Yeah, for like 45 minutes. Yeah. It was lovely. It was beautiful. I have lots of B-roll and pictures. It was a delightful time. And we had a little conversation, little check-in sesh. Little chit-chat. Little, little chit-chat, and it was great. Yeah. It was, it was fun. But, but- And it was Wednesday. And you know what?

Off schedule. And it was Wednesday, and it was a busy day. We had a lot going on. We did. But because it was such a nice day and we were out there, we just said, "You know what? Let's just carve off this time right now." We created it. Yeah. Because honestly- Because it's a priority ... there was stuff that could've happened that- It-

wasn't that ... and actually that's why the date was 45 minutes and not an hour and a half. Like, we could've walked twice as long. Like- Yeah, but we turned around- Like- ... 'cause we had some other things we had to do ... well, we were talking about stuff, and it was like, "Oh, we should probably get this done and this done."

And so we were having a nice walk, and it's like, "You know what? We should probably turn around 'cause we do have a ass load of things to do." As much as this has been f- really fun, we do still have to do some other things, so we turned around. But we just forced in a 45-minute window where it was just for us to connect.

Yeah. Yeah, it was great. So it, put it in your calendar, but then also take advantage of opportunities. And this came up recently because I think we made a post about like scheduling things, and people are like, "Oh, you, that takes the fun out of it." And it's like, well, that's not the only time you can have the fun.

It's just you schedule it in so that it happens, and we'll talk about that in the next chapter too, wink. But scheduling in fun and coitus and all the things, all that does is make sure that it happens at least those times. Like- That doesn't mean that you can't take a Wednesday afternoon or a Saturday morning or a Sunday evening to do S- spontaneous things.

Like, you're out and about and you wanna go on the... go for a walk on the beach. Do it. You can still do that. It's, it's... it doesn't mean that you take the spontaneity out of your marriage when you plan things. It just means that you're at least forcing that connection time at least at a minimum frequency.

Mm-hmm. Anything above that- Bonus ... fill your boots. It's like the wedge, the wedge of expectations. Like, the bare minimum is what you've scheduled. Take advantage of opportunities to add in more time- Totally ... when you can. Totally. The other thing I liked when we talked about core memories and being present, like, obviously present is the only place that happiness exists, so if you wanna actually experience some happiness, be present, but also you can't create memories if you're not present in the moment.

And it just... My- What jumped into my head is, you know, the... in the evenings, I've... we've been taking turns and doing, like, evening shifts and doing work, and we'll, we'll throw something on the TV, and I was doing something the other night, catching up on emails I think, and the next night there was a recap of what we'd watched the night before, and I was like, "I don't remember any of this."

Mm-hmm. I was- Focused on something else. Focused on s- on something else. When you're not present- Yeah ... you do not create any memories. Mm-hmm. You cannot create a memory from an activity that you're not present, intentionally participating in. I was not intentionally participating in the show we were watching.

I was doing something else. Mm-hmm. And therefore, I remembered nothing. Mm-hmm. And it just was a good example to me of... Yeah, it's a, it's a obviously a meaningless example. I, I, I didn't care about the show- It's something that you don't care about ... or I would've paid attention. Yeah. But it's just a good example of because I didn't pay attention, 'cause I made that choice, I literally did not remember big, important things from that episode.

Mm-hmm. It just did- they did not register for me at all. Mm-hmm. If you are not present in the moment you're in, you will not create a memory from it. So you can plan a really cool... Like, let's say we, we, you know, plan a really cool adventure. We're gonna go to a lighthouse and have a whole little date afternoon, but if I'm super preoccupied by the emails I have to write or the, it, looming deadline for whatever the thing is, like, if I'm preoccupied by other things, and that's where I'm living in my head, I'm not intentionally present in the adventure we're having,

I'm not gonna create the memories that we can then, I can then look back on later and ex- re-experience with you these core memories we've created- Mm-hmm ... 'cause I didn't actually create those memories. Mm-hmm. So not only do I miss out on the actual experience the first time, but then I miss out on reliving that experience with you every time that comes up and we wanna, like, have a laugh and- Well, it won't come...

That's the thing. It won't come up. Share- Because it's not a thing that you- Yeah ... that landed. So I've, I've, I missed the first one, and I will miss every potential opportunity to relive that with you going forward. Right. And the thing is is when you really consider what happened is that you were f- so focused on something that really in the grand scheme of things very meaningless.

Mm. Like in, like in your whole life, uh, yeah, it, it feels significant now, but in the grand scheme it's really not when you look back on the small insignificant problems of your entire life. Like, this is just one of those. Mm-hmm. It seems bigger now in the moment. Mm-hmm. But when you focus on it, and a lot of times it's completely out of your control.

Recency bias is a, kind of a bitch for that. Yeah. Yeah. And, and a lot of times you're focused on stuff that's not even within your control anyway. Mm-hmm. So you're, like, stressing about something when you could just, yeah, be focused on your relationship or whatever's in the moment, being present with someone and creating those core memories that you then get to experience then in that moment, but also relive over time, tell that story on the front porch.

Um, so it's, it's just a, a huge loss. And, and the time was spent on something that you really had no control over anyway. Yeah. And so talking about, like, reliving the core memories, you talked about the hailstorm story number two- Yeah ... in the book. Yeah. 'Cause story number one is in the 33 Day Challenge. And, like, do the 33 Day Challenge.

If you haven't done it, every ac- activity basically takes two minutes. M- one takes... We said go for a walk. It takes a little longer than two minutes, but everything else takes two, three minutes. Do the, do it if you haven't done it. Um, we'll l- we'll link it below. So we got the two hailstorm memories, and yesterday we were working and there was a crazy hailstorm.

And part of me wanted to, like, go out in it because w- when we go out, like- It's something we do ... we get caught in hailstorms, and it's hell and also fun. Like, getting pelted by little ice things falling from the sky, it hurts. It's not super fucking fun. Um, but also because it, like, just ended up being fun the last two times we did it, I was like, "Oh, it's hailing.

We're inside. Bummer." Or not bummer. Hmm. Not bummer obviously, but like- Fantastic. We don't get pelted with hail this time ... because we created those memories, like, I now associate- Hail ... us being out in a hailstorm with hailstorms. So y- you can just basically tune yourself to any frequency you want. Hail usually means- Bad things

not good. Not for us You can, like, wow, well, let's party. Hailstorm. Let's go out in it. This doesn't hurt at all. Anything else? That's it for me. So that was chapter 28, The ABDs of Marriage. So schedule a date. Go on a date. Create some time this week. Carve off a little bit.

Go on a date. Have some fun. Have a laugh, and, uh, really connect. And then come back for the next chapter next week, chapter 29, Coitus Power. Bye.

 Look, knowing the strategy is one thing. Executing it in the trenches of daily life is another. If you're ready to stop listening and start doing, we have a challenge for you. It's the 33 Day Unstoppable Team Challenge, 33 days of micro drills delivered right to your inbox for just 33 bucks. It's designed to snap you out of roommate-ville and get you back into alignment.

Go to the200percentmarriage.com/challenge and take the first step toward your 200% life. Your team is worth the investment