Listen Now

Episode Transcription

📍 having that north star, like, that's where we're headed. Does this thing get us closer to or further away from that thing? And if the answer is closer to, then fuck yeah, let's do it.

And if the answer is further away, then, mm, I don't think so.

Lot. Or we need to reevaluate, is that actually truly the north star?

Because if it is truly the north star and this gets us further away from it,we should not be doing this.

You've built the business, you're crushing it in your career, you've scaled your impact, but are you winning at home? Welcome to the 200% Marriage podcast. We're Meredith and Craig, and we're here to help you kill that domestic drag and turn your partner into your most elite teammate. From Russian taxi mishaps to hailstorms on the summit, we're sharing the raw and real stories and tactical drills you need to move out of roommate-ville and into your 200% life.

So grab your gear. It's time to build an unstoppable team. Let's dive in.

Welcome back to another episode of the Two-Hundred Percent Marriage podcast with Meredith and Craig. We've been reading our book, The Two-Hundred Percent Marriage: Your Winning Playbook to Be an Unstoppable Team. We've been each reading the chapters we wrote.

We're starting part six,commitment to the future. Mer wrote the chapter. She's gonna read- I'm taking over ... the vet chapter. She's taking over. Buckle your seat. Buckle y- buck- Buckle up ... buckle up. Get in your seats and buckle up.

Part six, the commitment to the future."Dream big, start small, then trip over the small stuff on your way to the big stuff," Robin Sharma.

Chapter 31: Dream work makes the teamwork.If you don't know where you're going, you might wind up someplace else, Yogi Berra.If you recall from chapter 21, when we left our corporate jobs and started our entrepreneurial journey, we were a little lost and launched a real estate business we hated.It didn't align with the life we wanted to live, and it gave us the same sense of unfulfillment we'd had in corporate.

What we eventually realized was we hadn't done the work to understand what we wanted our life to be. We had no vision of where we were going. When you don't know where you're going, how likely do you think it is you'll actually end up there?Pretty unlikely.The odds of randomly building a business that carries you straight into your ideal destination

When you haven't even mapped that destination yet, are slim to none.The same is true of your relationship. If you don't know what it is you want, if you don't map it out, you'll have the same slim to none chance of stumbling into it. That kind of misalignment, trying to build a business that wasn't aligned with our goals, created friction in our relationship, a lot of friction.

We kept stumbling over it because we didn't know where we were going.We didn't have a North Star to guide us.We didn't have a shared vision for our future to guide our actions and decisions and put us in the same boat rowing in the same direction, to put us back on the same team.It's something we see all the time with our clients.

They don't know what they want or where they're trying to go. They're like ships bobbing around in the ocean at the mercy of the waves and tides.Just like us when we started that real estate business, they're lost at sea.That's why one of the first things we do with all of our clients is a dream alignment exercise.

If we're gonna help you, we need to know where you wanna go.Once we have your destination, everything gets easier. Here's the exercise we did, and the one we walk our clie-

Here's the exercise we did and the one we walk our clients through to help them define their North Star.Sit down individuallyand spend some time thinking and journaling about what you want your life to look like in these five areas.One, where do you wanna live?Two, what do your professional life, what does your professional life look like?

I.e., how do you make money?Three, what does your health and vitality feel like?

Four, what do all the critical relationships in your life feel like? Not just your marriage, kids, siblings, parents, business partners, friends.And five, what do you do in your free time?Don't just write a line or two down for each. Get really specific about what each element of your dream life future would be like.

And do this exercise without any constraints, money, time, immigration status. Don't let any of it cramp your style. You're dreaming here, and dreaming means no constraints on what you want your life to be. We'll worry about the how later. For now, let's just focus on the what.For example, I didn't just write, "I wanna live in a house on the ocean."

I described it in detail. I described how I would wake up to the sound of the waves and seagulls and smell the salt air drifting through big open windows. How I would sit in the screened-in porch in the evenings with the ocean breezes blowing through and music coming from speakers wired in every room, including outside.

I wrote about the bright yellow front door and what kind of flowers are planted around the house, the fireplace on the back porch for cool fall nights, my morning routine of meditating and journaling on the covered patio, paddleboarding in the still morning waters, and sitting outside to watch the whitecaps crash on stormy days.

I got very specific.I was also clear that this would be our Canadian summer and early fall home. In my dream future, I'm very done with winter.We'd spend those winter months somewhere else. We'd spend those winter months somewhere warm. I pictured having the freedom to split the year between multiple places, and I wrote it all down.

I also detailed how I would feel physically, waking up rested and refreshed, no coffee required, my heart strong, my joints bouncy and fully hydrated. I envisioned running along the road by the ocean, not on the beach. Sand gives me blisters, and I want a blister-free future.I wrote about crossing the finish line of a triathlon and being greeted by Craig with a big hug.

I even described my yoga practice and my flexibility. I painted the clearest picture I could of how vibrant and healthy my life would feel.And then I envisioned relationships

Our marriage, how often I spend time with friends and family, and how I felt being around them. I even imagined how we would go on girls' trips and just chitchat.Then I wrote about my free time, the things I wanted to spend time doing, the things that light me up. I didn't just list them.

I described how I wanted them to feel.My professional life was trickier.The first time we did this exercise, we had just shelved the real estate venture, and I honestly had no idea what was next.So I wrote in broad strokes about partnering with Craig in a business that excites me, that lets me change lives, inspires me to wake up energized, and still gives me freedom to travel.

Of all the categories, that one was by far the least specific, but I wrote the parts that I could see at the time.Here's the thing.You don't have to know every single detail of every single part of your future life right now as you do this for the first time.

This, this is only your first draft. This exercise isn't a one and done, and then sh- l- this exercise isn't a one and done and then lives on a shelf or in a file on your computer, never to be looked at again.Your vision will evolve as you grow, and that's normal.You're going to refine your vision as you go.

When both you and your teammate have a draft dream life, sit down together and compare notes. Where do they overlap? Where do they align? Where do they differ? No two visions will ever be an exact match.That's not just okay, it's good.For example, one of the things I wanna do in my free time is scuba dive.

Craig is more of a land-based mammal and wants nothing to do with sharks, but he's happy to go to all those cool scuba diving places and ride in the boat with me, hang out above the water, and then greet me with a hug when I emerge from my underwater adventure.That's the point. You each dream fully, and then you take those two different dream futures and you co-create a shared vision of your future together.

This exercise is so much fun.It requires conversation, curiosity, creativity, and a little compromise. But most importantly, let this exercise be fun. It's your dream. Let yourself dream.Once you've built your shared vision together, write it down

Capture your vision in exquisite detail across those five categories. Write down what a day in your dream life looks like. When you're done, you'll both feel not only excited, but also grounded, inspired, and directed.Keep your shared vision somewhere accessible, 'cause you'll refine it over time as you grow,as you grow, achieve milestones, and evolve into the people who can do and have those dreams.

Changing your dream isn't failure, it's required. Your dream will change as you do. Expect it. Welcome it.Keep that shared dream current. It's your North Star.With a North Star clearly defined, everything else in your life gets easier.

Come your way, you have something to measure against. It's no longer a decision based on feelings, it's a question with a specific answer. Does this opportunity get us closer to our dream life or take us further away?That question makes decision-making so much simpler.

A North Star also keeps you on the same team, rowing in the same direction

It gives you perspective. When you're aligned on where you're going in life, when you're aligned on the big picture, the small stuff stays small. As my mom would say, "Don't turn mountains into molehills." With a North Star, molehills actually stay molehills.So many arguments happen because we blow up little things into big things.

But when you've got a clearly defined vision for your big life that already carries a lot of meaning,you don't need to attach significant meaning to the minor annoyances. Your big dream will keep the little frustrations in perspective.Another benefit of having a very clear North Star is that agreeing on where you're going together is the hardest part.

Once you know where you're going, it's just a matter of figuring out the route. That's just logistics.Your North Star is your life's GPS. Like any road trip, there are always multiple routes that will get you to any destination.You won't always agree on which path to get you there. You won't always agree on which path to take to get there, but that's normal.That just means you won't always default to the highway. Sure, highways are usually faster, but they're boring AF. The scenic route offers much more fun, adventure, and life.

That's the metaphor. Sometimes you'll disagree on how to get to your North Star.But if you remember you both wanna get to the same destination, it makes compromise easier. It helps you give each other the benefit of the doubt.Remember, your North, remember, your North Star is the full view of all the dreams that make up that big life you wanna live together.

Some elements of your North Star are bigger than others. Some of those dreams are huge and will take years, maybe decades, to accomplish. Some of those dreams are smaller and can be done in weeks or months.Here's our favorite strategy, thanks to our friend Greg, for categorizing dreams, built around a sports theme we love.

Think of your ultimate dream as the Hall of Fame. To get there, you need Super Bowl wins.To get those, you need playoff wins. To even reach the playoff, you need regular season victories. It's about stringing together the smaller dreams so that they build into the big ones.If a player dreams of the Hall of Fame, they first need to make the NFL, win regular season games, then win playoff games, then Super Bowls.

Put enough of those together and the Hall of Fame is inevitable.So imagine your biggest goal, your ultimate dream. That's your Hall of Fame. It usually takes years or decades to achieve. For us, that's pure freedom in all areas: financial, time, geography, expression.Then identify your Super Bowls, the tier below.

Those are still big and may take years to achieve. One of our Super Bowls is our dream home on the ocean.From there, identify your playoff wins. These may take months.Finally, pinpoint your regular season victories, the achievable goals you can start today.These are more achievable in days or weeks. When you group dreams like this, the big ones feel less daunting, more achievable, 'cause you're already checking off the smaller ones.

And nothing builds momentum like living your dream with your teammate. When you feel like you're actually achieving your dreams, when you start living enough parts of your dream life, you start dreaming even bigger. You revise your vision. You add more to it, and you achieve those new, bigger dreams.

Suddenly, you're unstoppable.Dream work makes the team work

Boom. Chapter 31 in the books. Dreamworkmakes the teamwork.I don't know about you, but I grew up hearing that teamwork makes the dream work.

Yes.

Well, that, that is sort of true, but, uh, I think what's more true, in relationships anyway, in, in marriage specifically, it's the dreamworkthat makes the teamwork.

This is an underrated, uh,aspect of relationships that doesn't get a lot of attention in most places. I agree. Uh, and it- I think it-

Shockingly ...

it- it's the roadmap of where you're going, and y- I mean, you alluded to it. It helps with decision-making, to understand, like, you know, when something come... You're presented with an opportunity, it's like- Should

we do this?

Yeah. This is exciting.

Yeah. Does this get us closer to what we're trying to do or not?

And generally, you just make the decision based on feelings. Oh, I feel excited about it. Mm. Let's, let's roll.

Yeah, and then it gets you down the wrong road, nowhere near the goal that you have, and then you're, you, uh, end up frustrated, and you take it out on each other, and you wonder why.

And but having that north star, like, okay, well, that's where we're headed. Does this thing get us closer to or further away from that thing? And if the answer is closer to, then fuck yeah, let's do it.

Mm-hmm.

And if the answer is further away, then, mm, I don't think so.

Parking

lot. Or we need to reevaluate, is that actually truly the north star?

Mm-hmm.

Because if it is truly the north star and this gets us further away from it,we should not be doing this.

Correct. So yeah, it's that, the, the work of the dreaming, being clear and aligned on where you're going- It's a lot- ... makes everything so much easier. Like, the mountains and molehills thing, like I, I joke with my mom, I say that all the time.

"Don't make a mountain out of a molehill." Just so funny.But-

But pause. Why is that so funny?

Ugh, she has a tendency of doing that.

Keep that in.

But, butwhen you're clear on where you're going and you have a vision of the big life and the big, the big dreams you wanna achieve together, it really keeps perspective on the small stuff.

Like- Mm ... it keeps the small stuff small.

Yeah.

So that you don't end up making a mountain out of a molehill. Ugh,

they didn't put their dishes away.

Like-

Like- Phew ... yeah, maybe because they were over there doing something to further you down the ro- road on your dream. Mm-hmm. Like, it, it really does put into perspective what's important and what's not- Mm-hmm

and what you're gonna, like, what are hills that you're willing to actually die on?

Mm-hmm.

And dishes in the dishwasher, how lo- how to load the dishwasher, or dishes on the sink or, you know-

Well, we're both expert dishwasher loaders, to be fair.

Well, I absolutely am. I am- Jury's out on you ... absolutely am.

Jury's out on you, but-

I

think we both are ... that's neither here, that's neither-

We both think we are.

That's neither here nor there. Um, but true. Like, it just puts things in perspective, and it allows you to... Because when you h- when you're on the same team going for that same common goal, when mistakes ultimately happen, and we're human, so they're going to, it does give you more grace for each other.

Mm. It does give you the benefit of the doubt for each other, knowing that they're doing their best to help us achieve our goal-uh, our hall of fame goal It's- Whatever that is ...

it's interesting, and this is, like, a microcosm. Like,

we

were working on this project last year, and we had a vision. We, we both wanted the same thing. We both wanted the project to be successful. Like, we had the same vision outcome of what we wanted, but we definitely did not see the same path to that outcome.

Mm-hmm.

And we butted heads over the routeon multiple occasions.

Yep.

But it's so much easier to not take it personal- for me anyway, it's so much easier to not take it personally , like... It's not like you think my idea is stupid.Yeah, it's like- You think your idea- ...

it's better. Yeah.It's just not, it's just not as good as mine.

Th-

And it's, it's not that you don't... It's not that you're trying to tank the project. It's not that you're trying to undermine what I'm trying to do. Yeah. It's that you just have a different idea for how to get there.

Yeah.

And that's great because the more ideas we have about how to get there, the more likely we're actually going to get there.

If we're trying to get there with one route and one route only, and we only have, like, tunnel vision on one way to get there, and we run into weather, pothole, construction, a detour, then we're fucked. Mm. When we have multiple ideas on how we're gonna get somewhere, then we're gonna end up getting there better, faster, easier, more effectively, more efficiently.

Like, the more innovation you have, the better.

And that's another reason why you've got a 200% marriage. It's, it's better. It's b- it's not... Like, if it was just you, it'd be 100%. Like, you'd have one way. You'd have a route. You'd have whatever. But when you put your minds together, two... Like, it's exponential opportunity.

Like, y- you now, your ideas combine, and you've got multiple ways to get to, uh, where you're trying to go. And when you talk and you, you game plan, then more ideas come from that conversation. It's like, "Oh, but what about this?" And then you, okay, now you've got that. And then the next person pops, "Oh, but, but what about this?"

And now you've got a whole bunch of other branches off of that that you can now explore and figure out how to get to where you're going. It's, it's...It, it's just better.

So I think w- we can all agree now, I think we've made the case that the dream work is important to make your team work.

One thing we've run into is some people struggle to dream.Like, the d- actual dreaming has not been easy for people.

So sometimes it's, it's a, it's hard. Like, if you, if you, if you're out of practice, if you're rusty, if you haven't been using that dream muscle, it's, can be a little bit hard to flex it again.

I think also, too, some of it is aroundwe get s- complacent where we've always been, the f- the, the life we've always led, and we don't really know what's available to us.

Mm-hmm.

And so-

Blinders ...

expandingand thinking bigger for a lot of us is not easy to do-

Mm-mm ...

because of, you know, where we've always been. Mm-hmm.It, that is one of the more challenging parts of this part of the book is getting people to think bigger thantheir experience.

Mm-hmm.

Like, yeah, I know you've always lived-

In

this town

here in this town with these same people and done these things every day for 35 years.

And your family's neverd- done anything different. But

what if you could do something different? Mm. What would that be? It's like,"I, I don't know. I've never thought of it. I've always just known this."

Great example, we were talking to a couple clients last week, and you asked her if she could wave a magic wand,we were talking about her professional life, if you could- if she could wave a magic wand, what would she do?And she talked about, like, a couple of minor upgrades in her current reality. Hmm.

Like, "Oh, I wish my boss was- Yeah ... focused on this building. I wish..." You know, a couple of minor tweaks to her current reality-

Mm-hmm ...

versus, like, we're, we're, we're magic wanding your whole life here.

Yeah.

And, like, her, her default was-

You'd work in the same office with the same people, you would just change one thing about your boss that ma- would make it a little easier to do that work.

Yeah.

If that's true for you, great. B- but I have a feeling that if we waved a magic wand and c- could create any future for you-

Mm-hmm...

it would be a little bit more of a dramatic change than that.

Yeah. And you challenged her on that, and I think it will be.

Yeah.

But it, it's interesting- Hmm ... that's the default, right?

Like, I'm, I'm gonna look at my current reality and see what little pieces of it I can upgrade and stay within this known space.

That's why it's really important to dream without those constraints, and it's gonna take practice to, to s- to start that. You're not

gonna nail it the first time.

But to, to start thinking about what would I really wanna be doing with my life, with the five questions that we talk about in the book.

And then, you know, doing that without the constraints of resources and-

Knowing how you ...

time ... would make coffee, but- All of that, because it's not the how. Don't worry about the how. It's the what. What do you want that life to look like? We can worry about the how later. We just need to get aligned on what we want.

And both of you doing that together and then coming together as... You know, do it as individuals and then coming together as a team and integrating that. That in and of itself is such a huge exercise as, as you,evolve as a, a relationship. And then now you have your, your team roadmap, your teamgoals.

Mm-hmm.

And then how comes later.

Mm-hmm.

We'll focus on that down the line, but let's just get aligned on what.

Yeah.

So when you're going through this exercise

Do the exercise. Like, but actually, like, pause

No constraints. No constraints. No money- Like- No money constraints, no time constraints, no like, "Oh, but I don't know how to live there."

It'll change your perspective if you do it. It, it, it's one of those things where they talked about earlier in the book where, you know, sometimes they feel silly and you understand the point, so you don't actually do it. Like, actually do it. When you actually dream and really put pen to paper and let yourself really get creative, you'll be shocked what you come up with, and it makes life so much better.

So actually do it. Do it.

And then actually do the categorizing them. Small... We didn't really talk about that. We talked about it in the book- Yeah ... but we haven't talked about it here. But, like, what's your main hall of fame goal? That's the North Star. That's the big one that's pulling you along, and then along the way you're gonna have little milestones.

Write it down. Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, it's, um,it's one of the pillars. It's obviously, it's- Important ... it's one of the five. It's important. It's commitment to the future.It's what pulls you along and, uh, really allows you to get aligned on where you're going, and it's a resource to allow you to have more grace for each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

So with that said, that is chapter 31.That is chapter 31.Next week, you guessed it, chapter32. I know.

Upset special.

I know. Came out of left field.And that is going to be a MacKay chapter. She's gonna continue on this, uh, this commitment to the future, so stay tuned next week for chapter 32.Like Nike said, just do it.

Just

do it.

Just do it.

Bye.

Bye

and that's a wrap on this week's briefing. If this episode hit a nerve, don't let your momentum die Head over to the 200percentmarriage.com/unstoppableteam to take the unstoppable team audit. Find out exactly where your domestic drag is hiding so you can start optimizing your team today. And if you love the show, share it with another power couple who refuses to settle for fine, because a 200% life is better with a community.

See you on the next adventure