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📍 It stings a little. It- And you respond emotionally. If you can rein that in and ask, "Help me understand what you meant by that," like, I understood this. Can you help me understand what you actually meant to say?" And if you can get to that place, it's coming from a place of curiosity, not judgment, and that is the place that you wanna start any repair from.

You've built the business, you're crushing it in your career, you've scaled your impact, but are you winning at home? Welcome to the 200% Marriage podcast. We're Meredith and Craig, and we're here to help you kill that domestic drag and turn your partner into your most elite teammate. From Russian taxi mishaps to hailstorms on the summit, we're sharing the raw and real stories and tactical drills you need to move out of roommate-ville and into your 200% life.

So grab your gear. It's time to build an unstoppable team. Let's dive in.

Welcome back to another episode of the 200% Mer's podcast with Meredith and Craig. If you've been paying attention, last week, last week we started, uh, it was our three-year anniversary of doing the podcast. Wow. 156 episodes straight every week, no misses, no breaks, and- A three-year podcastiversary, if you will podcastiversary, I love that. And we've learned a lot over the last three years. So we decided, and given that there's three months left of the year, we thought, well, why don't we share what we've learned over the last three years on this wild and wacky journey of entrepreneurship and podcasting and all the different things.

And so last week we shared the first lesson, and this week we're sharing the next lesson. Last week it was just start, which was important to us on this podcast journey. So go back and listen to that if you missed it. This week is another super, super important lesson. We learned it from a monkey named George.

We did. And the man with the yellow hat. You learn it as a kid, and it's something that I took for granted growing up and until more recently in the last few years, the last three years, is when I've really started to understand how much of a superpower curiosity is. So we are gonna break down the lesson that we have learned, and that is how important curiosity is.

Like, not just in your relationship, although definitely in your relationship, but also in your business, your health, like every other aspect of your life. In life. In life. It's a superpower.

I didn't always realize this. Growing up, I'm a bit of an introvert. I don't know if people know this or not. I don't know if you knew this or not.

Yeah. I don't know if you knew this or not. I'm a bit of an introvert.

A bit.

A bit. A bit, a bit of an introvert. However... And so go- growing up, I don't like, I didn't like the attention and the focus to be on me.

I hated that. I still do. I still don't love it. That's why I have a podcast- ... and have written a book, and speak on stages, and all of these things because I don't like the spotlight. Remember, growth. Uh, just take the first step. You'll figure it out. Anyway, I'm an introvert, and so I don't love the spotlight.

And growing up, I would be very curious, and I would ask questions, and I would make sure that if I'm asking questions, that means other people are answering them. That means the spotlight's more on them. I can ask a question in a couple seconds, and then they'll take most of the time answering, and so the spotlight's on them.

But what I didn't realize was that that's actually an incredible superpower that I learned later on in the last couple of years, that you're actually... Even though I was coming at it from a selfish perspective in that I was trying to just be safe and put the spotlight on them, what I didn't realize is that people love the spotlight.

People love talking about themselves. It makes them feel seen, heard, valued, and respected, and that is a superpower in relationships. And- Even though I have been doing it for a while, I didn't realize its power- Mm-hmm ... until more recently.

And I mean, it's one thing I remember about you from the early days, you always asked me a lot of questions.

And not just like, yeah, we talk about the Star Wars thing and like what the, you know, the random normal getting to know someone questions, but questions like, " where do you think you get this attribute, your mom or your dad?" "Huh, I don't know." Like, I'd never even considered that question before.

And so-

Yeah. And how'd it make you feel when I asked you?

Seen. Like, like you're interested in what I actually have to say, like engaged in this. Like-

Yeah. Like, like I care ... like you care Like I care about-

For sure ... what makes you you and your-

And it's why we talk about check-in questions in the book.

Yeah.

Like, I think just asking questions, just on the surface, like des- despite what it m- does for other people, just think about, like, asking questions and being curious, you just learn more. Like, and knowledge, like, you just gain more knowledge, which is powerful. Like, knowledge is power. Like, all the, the... What's, what's the book?

The, um... Anyway, knowledge is power. We know that. And so even if you just take away the, the aspect of what it helps you with in relationships, it really just does give you more knowledge to just move through the world. But it makes people fee- feel seen, valued, respected, loved. And so there's nothing more valuable to someone than that.

You're giving them a gift of making them feel seen and valued, and that's what everybody wants.

Literally everybody wants that, always. And so, and so if you can give someone that, you can give them that gift, then how likely do you think they are to do whatever it is they can to help you? And I'm not saying do it thinking that that's gonna be the outcome, that you're, you're, you're doing it in a, like a manipulative way, that you're gonna get something out of it, like a transaction.

I'm saying just show up in the world and ask someone questions and care about their answer about them, about their life, about what they're into, and just watch how much those people who you've impacted want to reciprocate and do something really great for you. You'll have more friends than you know what to do with.

And I actually just experienced it ... We were just in LA for an event, and I remember at the end we were giving a couple of copies of our book away, and we were signing them. And a lady came over and, you know, she was just saying how, how much she loved, you know, our vibe, our energy, and was super appreciative of the book.

And I was thanking her, And I, then I asked her, "So what is it, like, how did, how did you get here? What's your story? Like, what do you do?" Like that sort of thing. And I just saw a switch flip in her. Like, she was just so excited to be able to tell me what she does and w- how she helps people.

And at the end she was just, "You know what? Thank you so much for asking me that." Like, she was just so, like, grateful for the opportunity to tell me what she does and how she helps people, and she was so passionate about it. And we just left that interaction feeling really cool. Like, I, I felt, um I just felt really great being able to...

Well, having her tell us that she, you know, appreciated, you know, our vibe and our energy, but also being able for her to tell me that, you know, she was super appreciative of me asking her more about herself. And so it just reminded me of the power of curiosity and asking questions. And in your relationship, one of the most powerful questions, phrases you can ask is ins- especially when Maybe something has been said that gives you the little, that- Ooh ooh, I don't love that. What, like... And then, and maybe you go to a high emotion, and maybe you, you lash out because it hurt, or it's-

Your reaction jumps out of you ... it stings a little. It- And you just respond emotionally. If you can rein that in and just ask, "Help me understand what you meant by that," or, "Help me understand the, the meaning of what you're saying.

Like, I understood this. Can you help me understand what you actually meant to say?" And if you can get to that place, it's coming from a place of curiosity, not judgment, and that is the place that you wanna start any sort of, repair from.

Beca- because usually when we react emotionally to something, it's based on an assumption that we're making about...

And sometimes it feels like it's not a, a big stretch of an assumption based on tone, based on the word choice, based on all those things, body language and all that stuff. It can feel like it's not a leap of an assumption sometimes, but every time you start to react emotionally, it's because of the assumption you're making in your own head.

And if you can just pause for a microsecond instead of lashing out, just pause. Like Victor Frankl says, like, that space between stimulus and response. If you can just hold that space for one second, and then instead of lashing out, say, "Help me understand."

Yeah. "

Help me understand-

Mm-hmm ... why you, you chose those words."

"Help me understand what you need from me right now."

Instead of, "Boy, I know you didn't just say that to me," and wanna go at 'em.

Yeah, 'cause it-

Help me understand what you meant by those words.

Curiosity, not judgment.

Curiosity.

Like, be curious, not judgmental. Walt Whitman slash Ted Lasso.

Reminds me of- It's like Michael Scott

Michael Scott, Wayne Gretzky.

You miss 100% of the s- 100% of the shots you don't take.

Wayne Gretzky, Michael

Scott. Michael Scott, yeah.

It g- it is the key to giving benefit of the doubt.

Yeah.

And, well, it is the benefit of the doubt. When you can ask the question even though it stings in the moment, or something has happened where you're like, "I know he didn't mean that, she didn't mean that."

You know they didn't mean that. "I know they didn't mean that, so I'm gonna ask this question." That's giving benefit of the doubt. And when you can lead with that, everything changes. You will, you will see all the little nitpicky fights and spats and things that eventually snowball into something bigger, because that's, a lot of the times, what these little nitpicky fights end up doing is snowballing.

They all pile on top of each other, and then they eventually blow into something big. But if you can limit those little things, and the key to doing that is to just lead with curiosity and have benefit of the doubt, and watch all those little things melt away, and they never become big things. You got anything else, MacKay?

Life changing.

So-

Simple, not easy to do ...

Be curious ...

Curiosity is a superpower. Be curious. Ask questions. Leave the judgment in the, in the rear view.

So stay curious this week, and forever more-

' cause it's really that important. Uh, and, uh, stay curious about what we're going to be sharing next week as the next lesson that we've learned over the last three years. 'Cause we brainstormed some lessons, but I don't think we've ordered them all yet. Yeah, we've, we've, we've got a bunch, uh, that we're gonna highlight.

I don't know which order- Ooh ... they're gonna be in or- We're gonna find out together So stay tuned for that. Stay curious this week. Stay curious, not judgmental, for this week and forever more. Bye.

And that's a wrap on this week's briefing. If this episode hit a nerve, don't let your momentum die Head over to the 200percentmarriage.com/unstoppableteam to take the unstoppable team audit. Find out exactly where your domestic drag is hiding so you can start optimizing your team today. And if you love the show, share it with another power couple who refuses to settle for fine, because a 200% life is better with a community.

See you on the next adventure.