35. Comfort is Overrated: The link between cold showers and Kobe Bryant

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Episode Transcription

Welcome back to the Road to Life podcast. We're so happy you're here with us. This week, we're talking about comfort and familiarity, because as humans, we're wired for it.

We're wired for it. It's so interesting to me, because you'd think that maybe we'd be wired to be happy, or, you know, wired for success, or something else like evolutionarily that would have like helped us. And I guess this was.

Evolutionary back then, it did help us. When the Saber-toothed tigers were roaming the earth, it did help us.

Yeah, being wired for comfort and wired for familiarity. It's so strange because that means that we will seek out what is familiar over what we actually want. So like, we might say we want a loving relationship, but that's not familiar to us, like maybe we grew up. without that example, or we've been in relationships that have not been like that.

And even though we consciously want that thing, we're actually wired for what's familiar. So subconsciously, we will always seek out Where we feel most comfortable where we're familiar.

To the point that you will self sabotage You find yourself in a relationship that's different than the one you've had in the past Yeah, that you will self sabotage to the point where you'll actively just sabotage that relationship.

Yes and Go back to finding another version of that same relationship that didn't work for you and try to find a way to settle in there.

Yeah, it's so bizarre and we see it like I see it all the time now that I look for it. I see it in people who book calls with us and then they don't show up because it's scary.

It's Uncomfortable to take a step to change a situation. Maybe you don't like the situation you're in You But it's at least familiar to you. So, you're willing to stay in something where you're unhappy or that's not working for you. Because at least it's familiar. It's a fear of the unknown.

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't. And that, I think that's where all those sayings come from because We are willing to sacrifice pretty much everything to stay where we feel comfortable.

And we literally see it all the time where people are actually sacrificing everything to stay where they are.

Like literally they know what they're doing now is not working. The relationship they're in is not working, but they're also so used to it. So wired for that comfort and that familiarity that they're not willing to move outside of it because that is scarier.

Yeah.

than losing what they have, like losing their relationship, losing their marriage.

If I do something different though, that's big and scary. And I can't go there. They can't let their mind go there. And it ends up in the same place. Just takes a longer time to get there. Yeah.

You've spent more time being miserable. Yeah. It's there's a book, The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter. And it really made this clear for me because he talks about How comfortable we as humans are now, like, for the most part, most of us live in a pretty temperature controlled environment.

We generally don't sleep on the floor, we often have food in the fridge. the level of baseline comfort that we as a human species, especially in North America, enjoy is vastly different than even just like, Four and five generations ago. The temperature controlled environment piece, he was saying, most of us go from our temperature controlled home, get in our temperature controlled car, drive to our temperature controlled work. We spend very little time in the grand scheme of our lives in an uncomfortable temperature zone, which just is one, is one small element.

But I was like, yeah, you know, that's, It's 100 percent true. I spend very little time.

As little as possible.

As little as possible in a, in a temperature that I'm not comfortable in. It's wild to me.

Yeah, winter, winter temperatures are no bueno.

And the thing about it is, like temperature aside, the thing about it is To have what you want in life is going to require you to get a little uncomfortable.

And we're just so wired to avoid that.

It's funny because there have been many people in the world who have tried and have not succeeded in finding the way to everything they want without going through any sort of discomfort. It's just, there's no path.

There's no binder for that. There's no path. That takes you to where you want to go that doesn't go through some level of discomfort and fear.

I think back... Obviously there's a million examples from the entrepreneurial journey. So let's like put a pin in that for a minute, but I think back to the default life, when I was humming along in a pretty comfortable temperature controlled comfort zone for the most part, you know, I didn't, I didn't question a lot of things.

I didn't make any rash decisions and get off that sort of default life that society expected me to live, you know, like go to school, get good grades, get a good job, save for retirement, you know, retire and die, basically. I was living that life, which is by and large, a pretty comfortable because you're not bucking any norms in society.

However, even within living that default life, when I first started my very first corporate job, I was scared shitless. Like I didn't know what I was doing. And every, Regularly, I don't know how often, but regularly in my corporate life, you get a new project and it's like, whew, I have no idea. Like here, now you own privacy.

Like I don't know anything about privacy. How am I gonna, I don't, I don't know how to do that.

I don't like, But you learn, you figure it out and then you get bigger projects and you get a promotion and totally the next thing and then

the next thing and then the next thing and every single time you get a next thing.

It's terrifying because you don't know I had no idea what I was doing, so there was a lot of discomfort even in that comfortable existence for me leveling up in my corporate life.

I'm still yet to see Anything that you get that's worthwhile that you want to achieve, that you don't have to learn or go through something uncomfortable or unfamiliar something that causes... the growth happens on the other side of discomfort and and failure and fear and I just I've never seen anything worthwhile that doesn't come without that.

I don't know when I started saying it but like 20 years ago I heard it somewhere at some point and I started saying: Anything worth doing or anything worth having is scary, hard or uncomfortable and I I don't know where I picked it up but it it's helped me so many times over the years. Frig this sucks That must mean this is worthwhile.

And that's the, that's the reframe you have to have going into it because everything you want, that marriage that you want, yeah, it's going to require you pushing through something and, and figuring it out.

Yeah, like we have a pretty kick ass marriage.

Yeah, we do.

But there, that doesn't mean there aren't moments that are uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Like there's loads of moments that are uncomfortable.

Yeah.

But temporarily.

And then you get, and then you get the, the, the bigger, better thing. And so I think that when... That's the reframe that's required when you're faced with that decision of, do I want to go and do this? I want this thing, this happy marriage.

Do I want to go through with the discomfort that's going to require the conversations, the exercise, the things that I'm going to have to do to get there. Do I want to go through them to have that thing? Like I have to, I have to face that discomfort. And it's like, Everything in life worth having is going to require that.

And do you want to suffer for a short period of time, just a little bit?

Or do you want to suffer long term and a lot more? You're gonna sacrifice something one way or the other. Wouldn't you like that to be the short term, smaller sacrifice? Totally. Yes, it's facing you right now. And by not doing it, you're just kicking that can down the road, but it is,

The can gets bigger the farther you kick it.

It's bigger and it's going to hurt more.

Yeah.

Down the road.

Yeah. And the thing about it is that discomfort, whatever it is, is temporary. Who you become by busting through that discomfort, whether that's the marriage that you end up having or the person that you become, that is permanent. That, that growth that you experience by, by, by having that brief discomfort, you get to keep that.

The discomfort part is so short. In some cases, it's like seconds of discomfort to have massive growth.

It's kind of like when you experience something that's really shitty and there's an emotion that comes to you. And most of us will just, Oh, I don't want to feel that that's uncomfortable.

I don't want to feel that. And you suppress it and you push it away. And what we don't realize is if we just let that,

just feel it,

just feel it in the moment and just process it, no judgment, whatever it is, what it is, I'm hurt, I'm, I feel betrayed, whatever it is, feel it. And then it actually passes through you relatively quick, within a few minutes and then you've processed it.

Kids do this really well. Like Jake, our nephew, he gets hurt. He cries like a banshee for a few seconds. And then he's up and at him and he's going and he's good to go.

Yeah.

But as adults, as we get older, it's no, it's not cool. I don't want anyone to see me sweating. I don't want to feel it or I don't want to feel it.

It's scary. But little do we know that if we actually just let that happen, you get past it and then you're not dealing, it's not landing in you and you're not dealing with it long term. You're not thinking about it more and more, ruminating on it, and bringing it up constantly over and over again. And it becomes this repeating voice in your head.

Yeah, you can't shake that,

Because you didn't process it.

Yeah, the vibration, like the, the, the feeling of that bad feeling, you're not living in the intensity of it at all, because you've suppressed it, but it, like, the echoes of it almost are always around.

Yeah.

Until you actually deal with it, and, to your point, it takes so little time. The discomfort you have to experience when you're dealing with something bad like that, can be counted in seconds. And then it's gone, as opposed to counting years in the remnants of it, like the residual-ness of it.

Yeah. And as coaches, I would say that a large portion of our time is trying to let people see that. And we can't tell them, we can't direct them, but let them see it for themselves, that the longer you sit with this the worse it gets. If you rip the band aid off it gets better like

let the air at it

Yeah, the the discomfort is going to happen one way or the other Just face it now and it makes it so much easier down the line If you don't face it now, it gets so much worse down the line.

Yeah, it makes it Not only is it worse because you have to experience the discomfort you're in now anyway, the, the familiar discomfort, you have to feel that, but then also at some point there is a breaking point and it's going to get worse and you're going to feel that longer. It just makes things worse.

So I think a lot of our, our time is spent having those types of conversations with people to help them understand that the discomfort is coming one way or the other. Yeah. Do it now.

Yeah, it's like Greg talks a bit with the buffalo and the cow, right? There's the, the storm is coming.

Yeah.

And both of those animals in the prairies, they deal with that storm coming differently. Yeah. You know, the cow feels the storm coming, they hightail the other way. They're trying to outrun the storm. Which is never gonna happen. Yeah, and they spend more time in the storm. Because of it. Because you're running in the same direction as the storm.

So when the storm catches you, You spend more time in the storm, whereas the buffalo, they're right there next to the cow, and they feel the storm coming. They turn around and hightail straight into the storm. And so because they're passing through the storm, they spend so much less time in the storm. So they take that momentary discomfort of, Oh crap, the storm is coming.

And I'm sure they're all uncomfortable running toward the storm. There's an element of discomfort in running toward the storm. Huge. But it makes it so much shorter.

But that courage that they showed, Pays dividends. It pays dividends. Yeah. Yeah. So the buffalo and not a cow.

Be a buffalo. Yeah.

Bison, probably, actually. And I think, like, look at anyone that you look up to, right? Anyone who's accomplished something that you want to accomplish, whether they have an excellent marriage, whether they have a successful business, whether they're a professional athlete, like whoever they are. You don't get to be LeBron James without discomfort.

You think his whole life he's stayed in a comfort zone? You don't get to achieve Michael Jordan status being comfortable.

The amount of time they spent in the gym and working and Sacrificing social time and friends and family. I'm not suggesting that for everybody. But they knew what they wanted, that level of greatness, that was required.

So they did it.

I didn't even use the best example, like, I don't know why I focused on basketball players, but the ultimate, the ultimate example of that is Kobe Bryant, obviously. Like, he knew exactly what he wanted and he would face any discomfort in, The name of getting where he wanted to go. Mamba mentality.

Yeah. And my, actually, like, my favorite quote comes from Monty Williams. I don't even know who he coaches now. He used to coach the Phoenix Suns when he said it. Pistons, man. Detroit. He said to them when they were in the finals against Milwaukee: "Everything you want is on the other side of hard."

Like these next seven games, they're going to be really hard. But everything you want, is just on the other side of it. So plow through the hard to get where you want to be. For them it was winning a championship and they didn't so that's too bad. But for you it could be your relationship, it could be your business, it could be your health. It could be You know, whatever it's going to be...

but there is something.

There is something that you want and it's going to require you getting freaking uncomfortable... temporarily. The discomfort is temporary.

And I think one of the ways people can prepare themselves for those decisions, that discomfort is in their everyday life, just start doing a couple little things that are uncomfortable now.

And it gets you in the mindset of, I can do hard things. I do hard things regularly. So like, for example, every day, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. But I do it every day. Every day, I will run the cold water after my shower. So, I'm not to the point where I'm ready, I'm not yet ready to go full on cold shower for 5 or 10 minutes.

I'm just not there yet. But my baby step has been that after I do have my comfortable shower with the warm water, I turn that son of a gun down all the way, and I sit in it for a minute or two, and On cold and the minute or two feels like five or ten. I'm not gonna lie.

It's awful.

I let it hit me in my chest and my face and my head and it's running down my back, It's freezing cold, but I know that I'm building a muscle that: I do uncomfortable things. I get uncomfortable.

I run regularly. I I enjoy running sometimes most of the time but when you get into races where you're running 20k, 25k, marathons, it's a mental grind, it's a, it's a you versus you, it's, it's just uncomfortable, your, your hips start to get tight and hurt, your knees start to get sore, your ankles, you get blisters, you're wondering why the hell you're doing this.

Well, it was like the run we did on Mother's Day. I agree. I've come to really enjoy running most of the time. But as part of our training plan, we had to run a half marathon, and we decided we would do it towards a destination. My aunt's 80th birthday was that day, so we decided we'd run out there.

And It ended up being just absolute 100 percent pure misery.

It was cold, it was rainy, it was hilly, it was uphill with

wind in your face the entire way. It was, I, I've never been so miserable on a run ever before in my life. And I, it as physically demanding... because my knee was sore right off the bat.

Like it was, it was a very physically demanding run for me that day because of the elements. But mentally, it was such a grind mentally. And you told it to me after the run, before we got in bed that night, they're like, no, this is going to prepare you. This was good. And I like wanted to punch in the face.

Cause I was like, I was still living the misery of that run. But you're right in that every we've run longer since then we ran longer than that two days ago. And it was much better. And it did... that mental grind getting through that and not quitting, did more for my mental preparation and being able to be uncomfortable than, than anything.

If you train on hills in rain, wind in your face cold.

I didn't intend to.

I mean, the chances are that race day is not going to be that when it, when it in two weeks, when go time happens. Chances are it's not going to be that. Mm-Hmm. if you've trained in the worst conditions and you show up on race day and it's not the worst conditions.

You're already, like, you're already ahead of the game, because you already know that you can do it in way worse conditions. Is the sun shining? This is a cakewalk. I can do this. And it sets you up mentally, and I think that's the same thing in your daily life. Like, I take cold showers. Every morning. I take the stairs every time.

I take stairs all the time. I do the hard thing. I run marathons. Like I can do this. I can show up for my marriage. I can have a vulnerable conversation. Exactly.

I can make a hard choice because I practiced dealing with that discomfort, doing hard things every day. And so we are wired for familiarity. We are wired for comfort, but it doesn't mean it has to control us.

We get to choose. We get to practice.

Yeah, and we're wired for it. Trust me. I know because I don't want to turn the Every day after that shower, I, I, I, I'm not looking forward to turning that cold all the way up and the hot all the way down. That's not what I'm looking to do. But I do it because I know that it's It's developing the discomfort muscle, and it's preparing me for other big things, other big decisions, bigger things that are more meaningful in my life, that are going to get me where I want to go.

Because the identity of the person you want to be does these things.

They get uncomfortable. They do the uncomfortable things to get the things that they want.

So, everything you want is on the other side of hard and uncomfortable. Work yourself up to getting used to and seeking out discomfort.

If you're looking for a life hack, honestly, take, take a cold shower for, for two minutes, one minute.

I resisted it for so long. I thought it was torture and I didn't understand why anyone would voluntarily do this. Like I really didn't, but I actually do see a difference. I do think it helps me in my day to day life when there's something that I have to do that's hard.

Well, to your point about resisting it, we did 75 hard two years ago.

Pretty much. A couple times, yeah. Right?

Two years ago?

Yeah. No, almost three years ago. We've done it several times.

Yeah, the first time we did it was almost three years ago, and we did it. And then, like, I don't know, 75 hard 2. 0, like, whatever the next iteration of that was when she did the first one, there was a second one, and part of that was a cold shower, and we were both like, nope, why would anyone do that?

No way. Seems silly, I don't understand, I don't understand why anyone would voluntarily sign up for this, but now I do.

Now fast forward a couple years, and I really, really understand that, and it's become a really important part of our daily routine. To practice being uncomfortable, to practice breaking out of that familiar temperature controlled environment so that you're able to draw on that and be uncomfortable when it's important to get you where you want to be.

So if you want to be the buffalo or the bison that just head on hits the storm, one way to practice being that buffalo or that bison is just in your day to day life, do those little things that are uncomfortable. Go for the walks, take the stairs, take the cold showers, do the things, on days that you don't want to get out and do your exercise because it's raining, it's windy, it's miserable.

Those are the days, do it, go out and do it. It's going to make you better on race day anyway. We're wired for comfort, but we don't have to always be comfortable.

In fact, we don't want to be.

No.

It's probably the biggest,

chain that holds people back.

Yeah, it is.

So, get uncomfortable as often as you can.

It's gonna be good for you.

Like, get on a podcast.

Just like this.

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