40: From HOW to WHO: Unlearning the Hard Way

Listen Now

Episode Transcription

 Welcome back to the road of life podcast with MacKay and Bennett. This week we are talking about switching three letters around: who versus how.

Yeah. As humans, our default approach is: how do I do it?

How? How do I tie my shoes? How do I walk? How, how, how, how, how, how? How is really not what's going to get you where you want to go.

It is what we were taught. And how we were brought up in school is: how do I do this? It's like learning how to do something.

Learning how to do math.

Learning how to do additions, subtractions, fractions. Learning how the lifecycle works and the food chain and all of those things.

Yeah. And on this journey that we've been on through entrepreneurship and focusing on our marriage and our health, it's been less how do I get to that result and it's more about who do I need to become to have those things, the healthy body, the

kick ass marriage,

happy marriage, the kick ass business. Who do I need to become to have those things? That's been a very interesting shift for me. Mm-Hmm.

With a side dish of who can help me.

Of course.

There's two who's in this equation where we're rearranging the letters of how to be who.

The first who is obviously you. Who do you need to become to be able to achieve the things you've set out for yourself? But there's a second who - who can help me do it? Because chances are what you're trying to accomplish, you are not the first one to ever do it.

It's already been done.

Someone has done it and succeeded at it.

Someone's built a kick ass business that you want.

And had a kick ass marriage to go along with it. If someone's already done it, that means A, it's doable. And B, there's a roadmap. Success leaves clues, as I think Tony Robbins says. And so there's a way to get there. And rather than trying to figure out the how all by yourself, there's a who that could guide you.

That has been a huge transition, mind shift, for me going from that default life of an employee mindset of how do I do this versus who has the answers and can help me do this quicker. And who do I need to become to have this outcome that I'm looking for? Rearranging those letters...

seems easy.

But it's tough.

It's such a simple concept. But to your point, difficult to execute because we've been brought up a certain way for so many of us, not everyone, but many of us have brought up a certain way for so long to focus on the how, how, how, how, how.

And it's still even to this day, a battle of refocusing on the how, how, how, Who, who do I need to go? It's all about the journey of becoming your best, highest version of you. And when you are focused on that, when you are able to build the skills, find out who has what it is that you're after, find out what those skills are.

And then the build those skills within yourself and become that person. Then it's, it's almost that the outcome is a by product.

It just happens.

It happens because you've become the person that does the things. And then eventually when you, when you have the skills, you execute on them, you do the things.

Eventually what you want becomes a byproduct. And for me, that has historically been a very challenging mindset shift,

I always focus on the outcome,

right? Which makes sense though, because. You know, growing up through school all the way through elementary school, through university and beyond, we were indoctrinated into learning how to do things and also learning to do them on your own.

Working together, if you were taking an exam, it was frowned upon to work together.

Which is so silly when you think about it. Why not use my pal here who I'm going to go into business with to help me figure out how to solve this equation. Why do I have to do this on my own?

It makes sense why we struggle with turning those letters around because all we've been taught through most of our lives is figure it out for yourself, memorize how to do it and regurgitate that.

Yeah. And then focus on the outcome. We've always been outcome driven. You want that, that beautiful house. Okay. How do I get that house? How do I get that job? How do I get that? Whatever. It's always been focused on the outcome and then go after it versus, okay, I get it. You want that house?

You want that business? who has what you're after? What skills did they use to acquire that business, that house, whatever. Okay, now you know what you need to do,

who you need to be,

The skills that you need to have. To go and execute, to have the, the business in the house that you want.

So now you go and find those skills, develop those skills, do the things that are required. And then the outcome becomes inevitable. It's such a mind shift.

It takes practice. The same way it takes practice when you're having a high emotion moment to pause and breathe and assess the situation. It's the exact same skill set in this when you're trying to tackle something new. Immediately you're like, how do I do it? And maybe you go to Google or wherever you go.

But instead of that immediate how, it's a pause. It's a deep breath. And it's wait. The shortcut to this is who. How, I will eventually figure it out, probably. That's the long way. The shorter path to where you want to go is who has it? What do they do? That's who I have to become, who I need to be to get where I want to go.

So it takes a little bit of white space. It takes a moment of intentional thought to not just react in the how, because that's how we've been trained to react. We're following our training in immediately going down the how path and backing up and going down the who path takes, takes a minute.

One of the most recent episodes we talked about the fast way is a slow way and the slow way is the fast way. And this might be the only quote unquote shortcut or only way to make the path for you to what you want, the outcome that you're trying to get, this is the only way to shorten that or make it as, as expedited as the fastest way possible is to quickly identify who and go and find the who that can help you. Who's the person that can mentor me or partner with me or whatever it is to get there. Or who do I need to become away and better yet both, both, both.

The reason it gets shorter. is because you're not figuring it all out for yourself for the first time. When you're trying to figure out a path, when you're trying to create a path, it takes a lot of work to build a path. And if you don't know exactly how to get where you're going, you're probably going to take a wrong turn and build a path in the wrong direction, and then have to backtrack and continue to build your path in the right direction.

By having a guide, a mentor, someone who's been there and done that before, they may not be able to build the path for you. That's you. That's the person you have to become is the one physically beaten back the bushes and creating the path. But they can at least show you the right direction to go in so that you don't have to backtrack and, and retake steps and maybe the same part twice.

And maybe give you some of the tools to beat that path.

Exactly.

We hear it all the time from people who have struggled for so long in their marriage. They don't know what to do. They don't. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I've done everything I know. I don't know what to do. And while you've done everything that you know of, you've, you've maxed out your capacity At the level that you are currently. The person you are right now has maxed out But there's a different level when you become a different who like when you focus on no, no But the relationship you want is out there people have it.

Lots of people have it What did this what what do those people have that you do not have what are the traits? What are the skills? What do they do? What are the things that they have that you do not?

And then focus on going there. And then also, can any of those people help me? Can any of those people teach me what they're doing to have that thing?

And so many people are not willing to ask for help or go beyond the version of them that they are today. They stay in that. I've done everything. I don't know what to do. I'm stuck because you have not elevated yourself to another level. You've maxed out your potential at the level you're at, but there's another version of you that's out there.

There's always another version, another level that you can take yourself. And when you go to that next level, then there's so many more possibilities. Then there is no, I don't know. You see the possibilities, you see the solutions.

They start to show themselves because you've elevated yourself to another level. You've. Increased your mindset. You've increased your thinking. You're a different person. Things now come into focus for you that weren't coming into focus for you at the other version of you.

Cause the version of you that's stuck right now, who's done everything that they know how to do. frustrated. It's, you know, you're vibrating at a very low energy, low frequency. It's a, it's a draining place to be. It's a frustrating place to be. And focused on your scarcity and your lack.

It's, it's a tough, it's a tough role to play. You've done everything you know how to do. And so you need someone to show you another way, and show you how to level yourself up, so that all those new possibilities open themselves to you. You vibrate at a higher frequency, you're open to the opportunity, you have faith, you've got a seed of hope that you didn't have before that you will figure this out.

And you come from a place of abundance. Your energy is higher. Your frequency is higher. You're now vibrating closer to that love frequency. That is the frequency that just opens up everything.

You see possibilities you just couldn't see in that old role you were playing. The key is to, keep in mind that When you say I've done everything, but you're really saying is I've done everything I know how to do. I need someone else to help me.

I've done everything I know how to do with this current version of me, who I am today, I'm maxed out.

And like what we're saying is that there are other people that can help you, to elevate you to become a different version of you that sees more possibilities that can find the solutions.

It's really as simple as switching those three letters from how, how do I do this to who, who do I need to become or who do I need to seek out help from? To, to have the thing that I want to have, marriage, business, health, whatever it is.

Mm-Hmm.

It's a simple concept. It's not simple execution because it's unlearning. For a lot of us, it's unlearning a behavior that's been indoctrinated into us and embedded into us. Mm-Hmm. over years of life and school and work.

It's years and years and years and years and years of conditioning. Mm-Hmm. that you now have to unwind and rewire.

So that's it. It's as simple as switching three letters, simple, but not always easy. So remember that give yourself grace as you navigate this new shift from how to who and realize that it's not easy. It's a simple concept, but it's certainly not easy in practice. you're unwiring, you're unlearning and rewiring and that takes some time.

So have, have grace. And if you need support or help with the mindset shift from how to who. Drop us a line. That's it. That's another episode of the Rotolight Podcast.

And we will catch you next time.

 If you loved this episode, we would be really honored if you shared this episode with a friend who might also love this episode. And we will see you next week.