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Episode Transcription

Welcome back to another episode of the Road to Life podcast with Meredith and Craig. This week we have prioritizing you. Actually healthy for your marriage. Yeah. Debunking selfishness a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I think if you were to say to someone, if you want to work on your marriage, prioritize you.

Most people would say, I was expecting you to say prioritize them or prioritize the marriage. When in fact, prioritizing you is what's going to make the foundation for your marriage stronger. And I think a lot of people think that because you're focusing on you, that that's selfish. Yeah. And it's actually the opposite.

100%. It's actually a gift to the other person. It's a gift to your marriage. When you focus on you to the point where you are your best self so that you are showing up as the best version of you into your marriage and for your spouse. That's superhero version of you. Yeah, because really it's that superhero version of you that's confident enough to take 100 percent accountability and be the one to step up and and When you focus on yourself and and you feel fulfilled and lit up from the inside, that's That's, that's someone people want to be around.

And you have more of yourself to give. When you have less of yourself to give and you're burnt out. And then comes the resentment with the burnout. You're exhausted. You're just not showing up the way you would want to show up for your family, your kids, your marriage, all that, right? You're not your best self, if you're burnt out, if you were feeling resentful, if you're unhappy, if you're unfulfilled, it's really hard to contribute what you want to your marriage, to your family, to your household. So, by focusing on you, you are actually supporting your family, your marriage, your spouse. Totally. More strongly. It's like when you get on the plane, they tell you, make sure you put your oxygen mask on first before you help other people.

There's a reason for that. It's because you need to be ready and able to take on the challenge of helping others and being there for others. So make sure that you've got your mask on first and then you go help the other people that need the mask. And it's almost like we think that perspective or that approach only applies in that one situation in life.

If you happen to be on a plane that's going down. Then it's the only time that you're supposed to put your oxygen mask on first. Yeah. It's like, we all know we're supposed to do it in that situation, but it's almost like we think it's only in that situation. Well, it's the only, it's the only place that it ever really comes up.

Like we never really talk about it. It's almost like it's the only place that it's socially acceptable. To put your mask on first to prioritize yourself because the sort of conditioning that we all have is that to focus on you is selfish. Like that's what we've all learned. That's what we've all been.

That's what I've been conditioned to believe my whole life is if I focus on me, that's me being selfish, except in that one particular situation where the plane is going down and then selfish is the norm. Yeah. And what we're saying is that be a little bit selfish, quote unquote, selfish. because it's actually at the end of the day, not selfish.

It's, it's, it's a gift. Like we said, it's a gift to your marriage, to your spouse, to be that most happy, fulfilled version of you. And so what are some practical ways that people can prioritize themselves? Good one. First one, is setting boundaries. And I think setting boundaries for me is a can of worms because setting boundaries was something I struggled with for a very long time.

So that's why I want to start there because boundaries is actually the ultimate expression of self care for you. Most of us think of self care as bubble baths and massages and really self care is. setting boundaries and taking care of yourself. And in order to effectively set boundaries, cause like when you think about it, what is a boundary?

A boundary is like the edges of something, so your boundaries are the edges of you, of what you will accept or you won't accept, what you'll tolerate or what you won't tolerate, and in order to actually know where your boundaries are, you have to know yourself, and then, in order to hold that boundary, you have to believe you're worthy of having that boundary, so if you have a boundary, that chances are that's going to require you saying no to someone or something.

And for you to be able to say no to your spouse, to your family, to your friend, to your mother, to your sister, to whoever, that requires you to believe you're good enough, you're worthy enough to say no to them so that you can say yes to yourself, to whatever that happens to be. And that's a, for a long time for me, that was a really difficult thing for me to do was say no to someone.

And I was like, People pleaser extraordinaire. Yes to everyone all the time. So setting boundaries and to do that, you really have to understand who you are and love yourself. Correct. So you have to do some work on yourself, your own self worth, your own self love. You have to do that inner work to Begin to really know and understand yourself and believe that you are worthy of the boundaries that you are setting.

Correct. It is okay to say no and that it doesn't define me or make me any less of a person to say No, it doesn't make me less of a wife. It doesn't make me less of a mother, less of a sister, less of a anybody to say no to any of those people. Right? So that's number one. Mm-Hmm. number two. Oh, and, and shout out.

We have a whole episode on self-worth. So maybe I'll link that in the show notes just so that people wanna dig a little deeper. They've got it right. Another one, number two is we're all people with our own hobbies, passions personal interests. Yeah. So dive into those, make sure that you are giving time for your personal interests, the things that light you up, the hobbies, the, the things that you like to do, do those things, carve out the time, carve out the time.

Yeah. Something I've read lately is people who look for time, never find it. If you're trying to find the time for something, find it. You will never find the time for something created. You have to make the time for something. And so if you want to focus on your marriage, you want to prioritize your marriage to improve your marriage.

You need to make the time to do the things you like to do by yourself sometimes. And if you can integrate someone else, if you want to integrate someone else, by all means go for it. But number three, this is a big one. This a personal favorite of mine is like focus on your health. You've got one life.

You've got one body. If you, if you abuse it or don't take care of it and you get to the point where you are sick, you will have one wish. And it was that you did. So what's the saying? A healthy person has a million wishes. And an unhealthy person has one. Yeah. And it's that they have their health back. So.

So take the time, do the walk, do the yoga, do the workout, get the sleep, drink the water. Yes. Get that glass of wine, drink like there's lots of ways to prioritize your physical and mental health. Yep. So that would be number three. What's number four? Number four is being mindful. Happiness only exists in the moment that you're in.

And if you're focusing on yourself and making yourself the best version of you, that superhero version of you, that person exists in this moment right now. They don't exist in the future and they don't exist in the past, they exist in the moment right now. And so some ways you can practice being mindful is meditating.

Like that's a big one. Breathing, just a breathing exercise. Like just like box breathing for in, hold for four, four out, hold for four repeat or in for four, hold for seven out for eight. Like those are two of my favorites. Another cool thing is, is just to sit with your five senses and what do you feel in the moment?

What do you smell? What do you taste? What do you hear? What do you smell? All those things. What do you see? Usually your eyes are glow. So you just see the light protruding through your eyelids or whatever, but. What, just what do you in the moment feel? What are you experiencing through your five senses that really grounds you in the moment?

Yeah. So if you had someone who had healthy boundaries, took care of themselves to the point where they have this sense of worthiness, confidence, they love themselves, they've set these boundaries, they have time for their own personal interests. They filled their cup by doing all the hobbies and passions that they, that makes them feel whole.

Yeah. They took care of their health and they were mindful and they were breathing and taking in all living in the moment. Yeah Do you think that that type of person will be able to show up in their marriage a little differently than someone who had doesn't do all those things for sure. Do you think that look like?

Yeah, do you also think that that person exudes a different energy and is more attractive to Everyone in their lives like they attract people people like that who have their health, they're glowing, they're confident, they, they feel fulfilled in their lives. They attract people to them. Like, you're a magnet to attract people.

And that person is gonna show up differently in their marriage. Yeah. It's gonna change the whole dynamic of your marriage. You will also likely inspire your spouse to do the same thing. And then when you have two people, you will Who are that best version of them bringing the best healthiest, most mindful, fulfilled, confident, loving person, version of them into the marriage.

When you're both doing that, sky's the limit. Your marriage is going to be on fire. Yeah. Yeah. You've got two empathetic, patient, understanding, total full whole people, badass versions of themselves showing up for each other, for themselves, for the marriage, for the marriage. It's, it's It's a cheat code.

There's the, there's nothing that's going to stop you. So it may seem selfish if you're thinking about your marriage needs a little bit of fine tuning and you need to work on the marriage. The first thing is to work on yourself. And I know it seems counterintuitive. It seems selfish, but that's where it always starts.

Yeah. You have to, it's weird. It's so to your point, it's counterintuitive. It's like, no, no, no. It's not me that's the problem. It's my marriage. It's like, yeah, but you, Two individuals make a marriage. Yeah, so we need to those two individuals coming into the marriage is the best versions of them so we need to focus on the Individuals and really really hone in on it and make sure that we've got that dialed in before we start focusing on The marriage itself, but to your point It seems weird.

It seems opposite, but it's not selfish. Though we are brought up to believe that focusing on ourselves is selfish. It couldn't be further from the truth. It's the exact opposite. It is a gift. Yeah. That you give your spouse, that you give your family. It's a gift that you give the world, your marriage, your spouse. When you focus on you, And you give them the gift of the best version of you.

All right. Well, thanks for tuning into this episode of the world of life podcast. Share this episode with the people in your life, with your spouse, with your family, with your friends. We need to get this message out there that it's not selfish to focus on you.

It's necessary for you to focus on you, to improve all of the relationships in your life, especially your marriage. So share this episode with everybody, you know, because we need to change the narrative. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Plus we've got a great Facebook group called marriage reconnection for empty nesters. Where we share strategies and tactics to help you transform your marriage.

We love to see you in there. You can join it www.facebook.com/groups/meredithandcraig. Can't wait to see you there.

Well, we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.