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Episode Transcription

 Welcome back to another episode of the road to life podcast with Meredith and Craig.

This week we are talking about something that came up on one of our coaching calls. We had someone talk about a fear they had around, you know, backsliding losing all their progress and their like backsliding into their old marriage, backsliding into their old self and their old habits.

And they had a real fear around that, that we had to talk through with them. And we thought it might make a good episode to talk through with you. So it's interesting because I think we all have a little bit of that fear of like, I've made so much progress. I don't want to lose it. Yeah. And the way we approach it is, is that

you've become a new version of you. And in the process of doing that and working on your relationship, your relationship has become a new relationship and your partners become a new person as well. So it's impossible to go back to, unless all three things go back exactly to the way they were, it's impossible to go back to the way things were.

And because you're a new version of you, , you're not going to get it perfect. We're not saying you're always going to get it right. 100 percent of the time. You're not going to get it perfect. That's not what we're saying. But you're also not going to backslide and get it all the way exactly the way you were doing it before you've grown enough through whatever it is that you've gone through, whether it's a program with us or reading books or listening to podcasts or doing the work on your own, whatever it is that you're doing, you've become a different version of you.

That other version of you doesn't exist anymore, so you're not going to be backsliding into that. Yeah. I like the, there's a quote, I wish I had thought ahead to link it up, but it's basically your mind, once it's been stretched by an idea, it can never go back to the way it was before. So when you undertake the work on your own personal growth to work on yourself, to work on your relationship, to work with your partner on your relationship, you've stretched your mind, you've introduced new ideas, you've become a new version of you to your point.

Okay. it is impossible for your mind and your body to retract back to the way they used to be. It's literally impossible. , your brain synapses have changed. Like biochemically, you've been rewired. And, and I think another big important thing that we kind of alluded to is that this is a journey and you're never going to get it perfect.

You're doing the best you can. And are you going to, at times, Slide a little bit and maybe do something revert to an old habit once in a while. Sure. You are There's some muscle memory there, right? You're deconditioning many years. Because you're still going through the process of the change. And so it's like a mountain.

It's like the stock chart, but it's like a mountain where you're going to go up a little bit and then you got to come down and then you got to go up and eventually you get to the top, but there is some up and down. Yeah. And so it's two steps forward, one step back, maybe three steps back, two steps forward, one step back, three steps forward.

And then you're kind of. You're making your way up the mountain, but you're making your way up the mountain. Nothing worth doing or worth having comes easy. No. Like not your relationship, not your business, not your health, nothing worth doing or having comes easy and expecting it to is what's actually insane.

Expecting to change your marriage, to change your health, to change your business, to change your self and expecting that to be easy. Yeah. It's setting yourself up for failure. It's going to be hard. It's going to be a challenge. Talk about the, process that you go through to climb up a mountain and how you actually succeed.

in real life. Like when you want to go up Mount Everest, talk through that process and then let's compare how closely that represents what you're doing on your journey. Yeah, this is the metaphor we use on the coaching call with her. And when you go to climb out, I've read a lot of books, I've never climbed Mount Everest, but I've read a lot of books on climbing Mount Everest because I think it's super interesting.

And the process, I don't know that I actually want to, but I do think it's interesting. The process of climbing Mount Everest is not a straightforward step, step, step, like base camp to camp one to camp two to camp three. Like, that's not what happens. You don't just continuously take steps up the mountain.

till you get to the top and then come back down. You go to base camp, you go to camp one, you go back to base camp, you go to camp one, you go to camp two, you go back to camp one, you go to camp two, then back to camp, then base camp, then one, then two, then three. You're up and down constantly acclimating and dealing with the weather and And if you were in a perfect conditions and a strong climber with zero need for acclimatization or supplemental oxygen or anything, which is impossible.

But in theory, if you were a perfect climber in a perfect situation that needed no extra help, you could climb Mount Everest in four days from base camp to summit. But in practice, between acclimatization and safety and logistical challenges, The average successful climb of Mount Everest is somewhere between six to nine weeks for most expeditions.

So wrap your brain around that for a second. In a perfect world where you didn't need to worry about your safety and your oxygen and any of those things, just straight up distance covered, you could climb from base camp to the summit of Mount Everest in four days. But most successful expeditions take six to nine weeks.

That's how much up and down and up and down and acclimatization and going back and pushing your comfort zone and coming back down and that's how much up and down. That's, Two steps forward, three steps back and four steps forward and two steps back. And like, there is a lot of up and down in six to nine weeks to successfully summon an Everest.

And it is no different when you are turning around your mindset, your relationship, your health. All of the things that you want to achieve in life are all the same. They're going to be up and down, up and down. It's not a linear A to B. It's A to B, back to A, then to C, then, like, it takes a while to get through the alphabet.

It takes practice , , you're implementing new Ways of thinking new habits new activities new everything and as you do it takes practice Yeah, and you get some of it wrong and you have grace for yourself and you try again and you do it And then let's not forget that you're not an expert in anything You're not great at anything until you like put like 10 000 hours in I don't even know if that's correct anymore Whatever it is a lot of time exactly.

Yeah, so it's like it's one of those things where it's like we can't just think that We're gonna hit a home run in every at bat We're going to hit some singles. We're going to strike out. We're going to reach base. We're going to walk. Well, even think about it. What's a Hall of Fame batting average?

300. 30%. That's not getting on base? 7 times out of 10? Yeah. That's failing 7 times out of 10. So let's recalibrate what success is in our minds because it's not, you know, a linear, I'm just going to one step in front of the other. And I'm going to nail this every step of the way. And I'm going to be there in four days.

No, you're not. You're going to start off and you're going to get the base camp and then you're going to go up to camp one. And then you're going to think that you want to go to camp too, but you can't do that today. You're going to go back to base camp. there is just not a linear A to Z way that you go from anything in life.

Disconnection in your relationship to. Whatever it is that your dream vision of your relationship is at the end of the day. , it's just not, that's just not a reality. So let's put that to bed right now. That myth of like, we're going to hit a home run every time to bed. Right. And so with that comes the need for self compassion.

Yes. Grace. Being kind to yourself, having grace for yourself, being compassionate for yourself because We all have this expectation of doing everything to your point, not hitting a home run every time, and it's an impossible ideal to live up to, and so when you inevitably fail, when you inevitably make a mistake, when you inevitably react poorly in a situation that you are then aware of, when you weren't even aware that it was reacting poorly before, Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself the credit for your level of awareness. And now that you know better, you're going to do it differently. You're going to change your behavior. It's growth and grace. This whole journey you're on is growth and grace. You're going to grow and there are going to be times where you slide a little bit and you're going to have grace for yourself.

And when you do, then you're able to get back onto the path of growth again quicker. But if you don't, then you're going to wallow in it and it's going to take you longer to get back on that growth path. Trajectory if you wallow in awe, if you beat yourself up over the little mistakes that you make so it's about growth and grace I think those are really two really important Components to this whole journey that we're on and you mentioned it earlier like the stock market I think i've heard i'm no stock market expert by any stretch of the imagination But i've heard that the stock market generally trends upward like six or eight percent like since the beginning of time Whatever.

so if you look at it, there's an upward trajectory on the stock market returns. But if you magnify a piece of it, it's not strictly linear straight up. It's up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down. And it does trend in an upward direction, But there's a lot of ups and downs in that up, and you are exactly the same way when you're trying to make a change.

You've made the decision. You're taking the action. You're doing your best. You are trending in an upward direction. There's going to be ups and downs in that upward trajectory. And when there's downs, you're going to be kind. And you're going to have grace for yourself and for your partner. And you're both doing the best you can.

And that's going to allow you to move through the valleys a little faster to the next peak.

And the other thing is knowing like deep in your bones that it's impossible for you to go back to the person you were. Every neuron in your body has been changed by the work that you've put into this point You are a different version of you than you were before you started this journey and trust that and your partner is too and Because you both are your relationship is completely different It's a completely different relationship that it was than you when you started on this journey.

So trust your partner That it's impossible for you to go back. As long as you still want to do it, you're still moving forward. As long as you're still on that path, it's impossible for you to go back.

So, I think it boils down to one, Trust yourself. Trust the process. your mind's been expanded. It's never going to go back. And two, there's going to be downs. Expect them. Don't wallow in them. Have grace for yourself. Grace for your partner. Work through them together and continue on your upward trajectory because that's the process used to summit the highest mountain on earth.

And that's a huge undertaking. And the mountain is the metaphor for everything that you're going to try to undertake in your life. The Mountain is You. The Mountain is You. It's a great book. Brianna Wiest, check it out. , but one other thing I'll say is that the only way you fail, the only way you fail is if you completely give up.

If you just quit. That's the only way. Otherwise, it's, sure, there may be some little slides you learn and then you continue to grow. But you will never go back to the place where you started unless you quit completely. That's the only way. And when you inevitably hit those challenges where, you know, you reacted poorly, or you weren't the best version of you, or there's an obstacle in front of you that you just, you don't know how you're going to work through it.

Those mountains, what they are. One day, I want to quote from the book because I just think it's so such a, such a good quote. One day, the mountain that was in front of you will be so far behind you, it will barely be visible in the distance. But who you become in learning to climb that mountain? that will stay with you forever.

That is the point of the mountain. So the point in life to have some, what feels like setbacks, to have mountains to climb, to have difficulties to overcome. That's the point. It's the journey. It's turning you into the person you need to be. And so having grace when you're going through, when you're climbing those mountains, when you're in those lows, when you're, feeling in the two steps back part of the journey, It's part of it.

Trust that that's part of it. And that you're on an upward trajectory, even if it feels like in this moment, you're on your two steps back, part of it. So keep climbing your mountain. You've got this. , what's the one thing, what's the one action you're going to pull out of this episode?

We love talking to you on these episodes, but it's not just about the chit chat. It's also about the action. So what's the one thing you're going to take from this episode and implement in your life? We'll leave you with that and we'll see you next week. Bye for now.