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Episode Transcription

Welcome back to another episode of the Road ofLike podcast with Meredith and Craig, and we've got a cool one this week. What do we got? Okay.

We're doing something totally different this week. We usually talk about how to make your relationship better.

Yeah. Right. We usually share strategies, tips, concepts, things that will help you improve any relationship in your life. It

is what we do.

That's what we do.

That's what we do. So that's our

expertise this week. Yeah. We're doing the exact opposite. Nice. Yeah. We're gonna talk about the Sure. Fire ways to disconnect yourself from your spouse.

If you wanna be super disconnected we're we got you.

Do these things. Do

these things to be super disconnected, to be

very clear. We are going to share with you all the things that will make your relationship worse if you want that, do these things. Mm-hmm. If you don't want that, do the opposite of these things.

Can't make it any more clear than that. So we're gonna share with you a bunch of stuff that is gonna actively disconnect your relationship. If it is not what you're after. Spoiler alert, it should not be what you're after then you should do the exact opposite of these things.

Correct. I think we've got the ground rules laid. I think we've, been quite clear.

Yep.

Alright. The number one way to actively disconnect from your marriage or from your spouse is to

hijack their vulnerability.

Explain that.

What that means is when the other person shares something vulnerable with you, shares their feelings, shares what's going on with them, shares something that they're worried about, shares their feelings with you, you immediately make it all about you.

So like say for example, if I came home and was like.

Oh my God, I had the worst day at work today. Like my boss chewed me out. I'm, literally afraid for my job. Like it's crazy.

And I'm like,

really? You think you're stressed? Wait till you hear about the day I had.

Yeah. Cool. Love that. Yeah. So if you wanna actively disconnect from your spouse.

Do that.

Yeah. Because this tells them that they don't matter. It's all about you. Oh,

that was loud and clear.

I didn't need to explain that, that

was that. No, no, no. I mean, I felt that loud and clear even in our little playful example. Yeah. It felt crappy.

Yeah, sure does. Like I, I

wasn't even done telling you what my biggest fear was and you were already telling me about your day.

Yeah.

Good job on that. Thank you. Yeah. It

completely dismisses the other person's feelings.

And co I feel completely disconnected from you right now.

Mm-hmm. So. The implications of that is you're gonna stop sharing that stuff with me a hundred percent. I've already

decided. I'm not even gonna tell you the rest of my story ever again.

And so someone might say, well, when is the right time for me to share what I'm feeling?

Not

then

like literally any other time.

Like

99% of the time you can do that. Yeah, you can share that

literally any other time ever that exists in life.

Not

in that moment,

exactly.

And then so what do you do instead?

Because it like, it's like, but yeah, but I need to share it. Like, so. No, you listen. What do you do instead? You zip your lips, you zip it and you listen,

and then you validate their emotions. We did a whole thing on validation.

A few

episodes, few episodes ago. We'll tag it in the show notes, but zip your lip, let them talk and then validate how they're feeling.

Full stop.

I don't think we can make it any more clear on this one.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah.

What's the second way to completely disconnect from your partner?

Prioritize your phone or basically any other thing over their face, over them, over spending time with them.

Ooh,

that feels shitty. Yeah. Yeah. Like if I'm telling you about my day.

You are literally scrolling your phone like Uhhuh. That sounds cool. Like, oh man. Oh wow. Yeah. But did you know that the Kardashians have this new thing going? Do you know how little I care? Yeah.

It makes you feel invisible and unimportant. If I'm trying to share something with you and you're on your phone, and especially if you're giving me the, the cursory.

Mm-hmm. Oh yes. That makes it even worse actually. 'cause I know you're not listening, and when you throw those out to make me think you're listening, it makes me feel even less listened to if that's possible. Mm-hmm. More invisible, more dismissed, more unimportant, more unseen, unheard unvalued, disrespected.

Yeah. And over time, again, they will stop sharing. They will stop coming to you with the things that they wanna share with you. And eventually you will wonder why you're roommates.

Mm-hmm.

But if that's what you're after, keep going. Dig into your phone while they're trying to talk to you.

So in case you don't wanna do this, what do you do instead?

if you don't wanna do this, it's pretty clear you will put down your phone. You will just put down your phone, turn to them, look them in the eye, and listen to what they are saying.

And if you happen to be

in the middle of

something important. Hey babe, just one second. Mm-hmm. I need to finish this email and then I can give you my full attention.

That is very, very fair.

Mm-hmm. But just give them some sort of acknowledgement that you're, yeah. That you've heard them and that you are going to set up a time or you are going to listen to them

and it will make them feel seen, heard, valued, appreciated, respected, all the things. And like you said, a few episodes ago, I can't remember which episode it was now.

But you made the point that we overcomplicate things like relationships feel really hard 'cause we focus on the wrong things. If we just focus on making our other person feel, seen, heard, valued, respected, everything gets easier. Ding,

ding, ding, ding. This is it. This is it. This is all we're talking about.

Yeah.

Number

three. If you really wanna feel disconnected from your spouse, avoid all conflict at all costs.

Yes. It's kind of intuitive a little bit, right?

I think this one might throw some people off.

Yeah. Because I, I think most of us feel like conflict is bad. Mm-hmm. We don't wanna have conflict in relationships.

, if you're like me, I shy away from conflict. I avoid it. I'm very conflict diverse , I would prefer to avoid conflict at all costs.

Yeah.

That's a great way to disconnect in every relationship.

A hundred percent.

Because one, I'm not showing up as me. So if I don't show up as me, if I show up as the version of me who has no problem ever with whatever's going on

mm-hmm.

Then I'm fitting in on not belonging.

We know someone in our life who does this quite well is whenever there's something that needs to be discussed, they're like, we're not dealing with that. We're not talking about that. Right. And that's stonewalling. And we did an episode on that not that long ago.

Yeah. That is poison for your relationship. So if you want to disconnect from your relationship, then by all means, avoid all conflict and stonewall at every chance you get.

Well either stonewall or just always agree with whatever everyone else is doing because you don't wanna disagree, 'cause you don't want conflict.

Both of those things will create incredible resentment.

You get bonus points though if you're like, we're not doing this, and you get up and you actually actively walk out of the room. Yeah.

Keeping it bonus

points

on the shitty side to

disconnect from your relationship. Yeah. If you want to disconnect from your relationship.

And someone brings something to you that they want to talk through and you're just like, I'm not talking about this right now. 'cause it's a conflict and you just get up and walk outta the room. Bonus points, you are definitely disconnecting faster.

What to do instead? One, if you're feeling the need to stonewall, take a five minute, 10 minute break.

Gather yourself and come back to the conversation. Two.

Set aside a time like , the second thing I think is if you can't do it in the moment, you don't have the bandwidth, you're in the middle of something, whatever it is, just make sure that they feel seen, they feel understood, and they feel that you care and that you are ready to revisit this and have a specific time or moment where you can come back and really reflect on this

and be willing to embrace conflict in the name of, it's a great way to.

Get closer in your relationship. Avoiding conflict disconnects. You embracing conflict productively. No name calling, no yelling, no fighting. Showing respect, like listening to understand all the things done

right. You grow together.

Exactly. A hundred percent. Embrace conflict. Don't avoid it. Show up as your full self and, and engage in conflict in your relationship when it inevitably occurs a

hundred percent.

Number four, show absolutely no appreciation for anything they do.

Never say thank you.

Show absolutely no appreciation for anything they do. If you want to feel disconnected and they do all these great things and they show up in your relationship, just absolutely disregard any of it and show no appreciation for any of it.

Yeah, that'll make them feel. Unseen, unappreciated. That'll make them feel like they don't matter. That's a great way to disconnect from someone.

Bonus points if you actively bring up the things that they did not do ignore all the things that they did do. Mm-hmm. Don't show appreciation for that. Then bonus points if you actively show up and say, yeah, but you didn't even do this.

Yeah. So

extra disconnected,

extra disconnection. Mm-hmm. If you show up and don't appreciate the things that they did, but also point out the things that they did not do. Right. Yeah.

So instead, if you don't want disconnection to be the ultimate destination for your relationship, what would you do? I mean, I think you'd start with Thank you.

Yeah. Gratitude. Yeah, for sure. Show some appreciation. Yeah. it's really not hard. Yeah. I noticed that you clean the dishes. I was dreading coming home and doing those. Thank you so much for doing that. I appreciate it. So that I don't have to

Yeah, just notice the little things and express gratitude for them.

'cause when you look. For positive things. When you look for things to be grateful for, you'll find more of them and then they will feel so appreciated and valued.

And then in by turn, they will show appreciation to you for the things that you do, and you will feel seen and appreciated. Mm-hmm.

Last one.

Number five. How to completely disconnect from someone in a relationship.

Make zero time for it. Just do life, but like never any time whatsoever towards your relationship. Yeah.

Prioritize everything else. Work, kids, hobbies, Netflix, Amazon,

hobbies, work, all the things.

Yeah. Bonus points. If the only conversation you have is about logistics.

Bills,

kids, kids drop offs. Who's picking up the kids from soccer today?

Yeah. So that just turns your relationship into a transaction. Literally it's not a relationship anymore. It's a complete transactional situation where no one feels like they are part of anything.

If you wanna just feel like roommates, this is a really good one.

Yep. If you just want to be like ships passing in the night, just worried about

strangers in the same house. Yeah.

Just worried about who's paying rent, , how are the kids getting to whatever do this. Mm-hmm. You, you will be roommates in no time

fully disconnected. Yep.

So, so what to do instead. Yep.

That's where I was going. Scheduled time. Mm-hmm. I don't think this is hard. No. Schedule the time. If something's

important to you, put it in the calendar. You make time for it. Put

a hundred percent

and it you don't find time. Let's be clear with our words. If you're looking for time, you will never find it.

You make time for the things that are important to you. You create it and you put it in your calendar, and then you respect your calendar.

And the really important thing to remember here is it's not the. Quantity of time. Mm-hmm. It's the quality of time. Mm-hmm. Life is busy. We get it. Especially if you have kids and jobs and careers and all the things.

There's a lot, there's a lot. Mm-hmm. And, it's getting more and more all the time. There's the, demand on our, time and our attention is everywhere. Mm-hmm. But it's all about focusing quality time together. Like

we're could, we're talking 10, 15 minutes, if that's all you have. It doesn't,

it doesn't have to be hours and hours and hours.

Now, I do think that you do need to, you know, go on a date and spend some quality time together, but you can

find 15 minutes a day to start.

Yeah.

That will completely change the vibe of your relationship a hundred

percent.

If you don't want it to feel disconnected, let's give him, let's give him one bonus.

One bonus disconnection. If you wanna really disconnect from your spouse or from the person in the relationship. Have zero fun together. Like never have any fun together ever. If you wanna feel totally disconnected,

that's a good one.

Yeah,

Be serious all the time.

For real though. Fun.

Critical to a relationship. So if you're looking to disconnect. Pull the fun right out of it. Hijack it, get it outta there. Mm-hmm. , it's like a weed in a, garden. Just take the fun and pull that, crap outta there, and you'll have the exact disconnected relationship that you're after. Yeah.

Bonus points if you think your partner suggesting fun is stupid, if you show any contempt, eye roll, scoffing, any of that stuff, huge bonus points for disconnection. If they try to initiate fun and you blow them off,

yeah, it's just like fun. Be serious. This life is serious. Be serious. Get outta here with your fun bonus points if you can take that attitude towards it.

So what do you do instead?

What do you do instead of to have, have fun, laugh together. Like, come on, we all know what fun is?

Yeah.

Like, we know what makes us laugh, what makes us giggle? What makes us, makes us feel

good? What makes,

like what George Bryan says, what tickles us? Yeah. We all know the things that we like to do.

Do them. Yeah, do them together. Have a laugh.

Yeah. And when you do that, the connection flows. The communication flows, the trust is there. All the things come from the fun. Have a marriage handshake. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's such a good one. Like such

a good one. Yeah. Play a game together. Mm-hmm. Go on a podcast and be. Satirical. Have a satire episode. This

is actually really fun. I had a lot of fun. We're we're having a blast. Yeah. It's one

of the most fun episodes I've ever done.

Yeah. So watch a funny movie. Like anything to laugh, whatever.

You literally laugh together.

Go on a road trip and look at the world's second largest rocking chair. Why not? It's in Missouri. It's fun. Did that done that? Super fun. Highly recommend random. Yeah. Do weird random stuff that makes you laugh.

So that's how to completely. Disconnect. We gave you six ways to completely disconnect in any relationship you're in.

So if your goal is complete and utter disconnection in your relationship, go back and listen to those six tips and do all of them.

If it's not,

do the opposite.

we included the opposites. Do those things instead.

Alright, love you guys. This

was really fun. We hope you had fun too. Share this episode with a friend and we will see you next week.

  📍 📍 before we wrap up, we just want to remind you about something really special we've created. The Infinite Relationship Mastermind. It's like a VIP backstage pass for anyone looking to level up any and all of their relationships in their life. And we're not just talking about the relationship with your spouse.

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It fills our heart like nothing else. Now, we are super protective of this community because it is all about trust, love and support. So it's not for everybody, but if this does sound like it might tickle your fancy, then check out the link in the show notes and reach out to us if you have any questions, we'd love to chat and see if it's a fit for you.

And as always, thank you so much for being a part of our journey on The Road of life. And remember, you've got this, and we're here to help you every step of the way. So we'll see you next week. Bye for now.