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Episode Transcription

 Welcome back to another episode of The Road to Life podcast with Meredith and Craig. This week we've got another doozy of an episode where we're going to give you another five reasons, or five ways, I guess, to disconnect completely in your relationship.

Yeah. The first episode we did, I know, a month or two ago.

I think it was episode 77, something like that.

77.

It was really fun. We got a lot of good feedback on that episode and we had a lot of fun making that episode. So we thought

Part D,

part D,

but remember, this is satirical and we're giving you five ways to completely disconnect from your relationship. So if you don't want to disconnect in your relationship, do the opposite of what we're gonna say in this episode.

Yes.

Cool. Okay. Let's just make sure that we're clear on that. So

that's the first way to completely disconnect from your partner and your relationship.

The first way is

super effective.

The first way is to always keep score. Ooh. You have to have a winner, and there has to be a loser.

You have to keep score. If you're not keeping score, you're not playing the game.

That will work really well to disconnect, right? Because scorekeeping, that's gonna breed resentment, frustration. It's gonna piss your partner off to no end.

It's really important that you keep track of what you're doing in the relationship and what they're not doing.

Like it's really important running to tally. It's really important to understand that , here are all the the ways I'm showing up, and here are all the ways that you're really screwing up in this. Yeah. And we need to keep that score. Otherwise, how do you know? Well, it's like an Olympic sport. You gotta keep score.

How else do you disconnect? How do you know who's winning? Right, exactly. More importantly, how do you know who's losing well and then how do you, like if you don't know who's winning and losing, then you don't know whether you're winning or losing, like you have to know so that you can win. Correct?

Correct. If you don't know that you're not winning in this moment, you've gotta kick it up a notch. And get in the game and win. If you wanna disconnect, you need to keep score, keep a running tally. Mm-hmm. And make sure that you know who's got what on their plate and make it known to everybody.

Yeah. Bonus points if you let other people know the score in your relationship.

Yeah. Like huge

bonus points if you bring third parties in and let them know the score.

Like, Hey mom, guess what? I'm really kicking ass in this relationship right now. I'm winning. Like this is all the stuff that I'm doing, mayor, basically nothing, just. Doing nothing. So anyway, that's one way to completely disconnect.

Nothing says teamwork, like constantly reminding your partner you know, how much more you contribute than they do. Mm-hmm. Can you imagine, like on a sports team, if you know the quarterback. Is throwing all these touchdowns to the receiver or whatever, one of his receivers, and then is just completely throwing the offensive line under the bus.

Like, what are you doing? Like look, at all the scores that him and I are doing and you lazy bums are just standing around up here doing nothing

wouldn't go over well. Right. I bet he gets sacked on the very next play. Right? anyway, relationships are about teamwork. The problem with score keeping is that for you to win, they have to lose.

But the problem is you're on the same team. So when you win, I win. And when I win, you win. And if I lose, you lose. So I don't wanna win and you lose. 'cause if you lose and I lose, we're on the same team. So we both win together.

But if you wanna disconnect, keep score. That's what we're saying.

Yeah. Next one.

Another way to completely disconnect in your relationship, if that's what you're after, if that's your goal, and I'm not sure why. If it is, let's talk about that. I'm not sure why it would be, but if it is, then just criticize absolutely everything they do.

Make it your life's mission to point out every single flaw, mistake, misstep, misspoken, word, literally point out every single thing they do wrong every time.

So, hey, I noticed you were putting the bowls in the dishwasher on the top like that. That was so stupid. You should consider it doing it this way.

Yeah, that's gonna go over well. Side, note, no one's ever gonna load the dishwasher like you do, so just let it go. Wow.

Hey, I noticed you didn't read the kids the same book that I always read them when you put them to bed.

That's dumb. That was a really big mistake. You should really, do what I do when I do it. Why do you fold the laundry like that? You don't know how to fold towels. Those socks. Do you never

learn how to fold a towel?

Like do you think that that's how you roll up socks? Like the t-shirt is supposed to be tri folded.

Come on. This isn't your first day here.

Criticizing is a really good way to make sure your partner either completely stops trying and checks out of the relationship completely, or starts planning their exit strategy. Like no one wants to spend time anywhere where they feel like they're always being criticized.

They can never do anything right. No one feels good. In that situation.

What if, instead of criticism, we just went to gratitude, what if it was instead of like, what a dumb way to roll up socks. It was, thank you so much for rolling up those socks. Mm-hmm. I wasn't sure I was gonna get to that today, but I'm glad that it got done.

So thank you so much. Mm-hmm. For taking that off my plate

or the dishes got washed. They might have been putting the dishwasher the wrong way, but man, am I glad someone put those dishes in and turned the dishwasher on.

Now I can eat cereal out of this bowl.

Soup. If you're Cassandra,

shout out Cassandra Soup, queen of Chicago.

Chicago.

so if by chance you don't wanna completely disconnect, then recommend the gratitude approach. But if complete, utter disconnection is your goal. Criticize. Criticize, criticism, criticize, criticize, curse every time.

Criticize the way.

Number three. Whoa. Doozy. Common too.

Expect them to read your mind. , it sounds crazy, but it's so common.

If you wanna disconnect, just have a bunch of needs and never communicate them to your partner, but then hold them to meeting them.

Uncommunicated expectations. Great way to breed resentment. And sometimes we think that like, oh, he loves me so much, he just gets, he knows what I need, or, we've been together so long, he should know this by now.

Or like we're pretty alike. He must also feel the same way. Like, he must understand this. No, she doesn't. He doesn't. They don't. If you don't specifically tell them, they don't know.

So if you don't communicate, if you expect them to read your mind on what you want and what you need. Then when they inevitably don't, you get upset, silky eye roll, sarcasm, passive aggressive, pissed off. That is a great way to breed resentment and disconnection. How did this

mofo not know that I needed him to help me with dinner tonight?

Did you tell him her? If not, uncommunicated expectation. , , you're holding them. To playing by a set of rules that you've not

shared with them. Shared

with them, they're playing a game they don't even know the rules for. How likely are you to win a game if you don't know the rules of the game?

Pretty unlikely. Pretty unlikely. So if you have something that you need, that you want from your partner, you have to communicate that to them. And sometimes that can be a little bit awkward and a little bit uncomfortable. Uncomfortable, but I promise you it's less. Awkward and less uncomfortable than going through life, having your meet needs not met, and then constantly frustrated, resenting the other person for not having met them.

Mm-hmm. So if you're looking for that, if you're looking for complete resentment and disconnection, then please by all means, continue to have needs and wants and never communicate them to your partner.

If by some miracle, some chance you actually want to be connected. In your relationship, highly recommend the opposite.

Share your needs. Have that slightly awkward conversation. Maybe share what you want, share what you need. Communicate your expectations,

but that's not the goal here. We want to completely disconnect, remember, so remember any needs and wants that you have. Keep them bottled up and never share them with your partner.

Mm-hmm. Disconnection guaranteed.

Yeah. Hold on to that frustration, that resentment and that passive aggressiveness. Nothing says happy marriage, like passive aggressive.

Number four.

Never, ever, ever apologize for anything ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

I mean, it's a sign of weakness, right?

You can't be wrong. I've never been wrong in my life. I'm not gonna apologize. That means that I've done something wrong.

No. Make it your partner's fault. Yeah. Every time. They're wrong. Every time.

A hundred percent.

, that's why I'm winning so hard. Go back to number one. I'm keeping score.

The only exception to this rule is if when you apologize, you make it their fault. I'm sorry, but you made me feel like this. I'm sorry, but you made me do that. You can get away with one of those.

Yeah, if you wanna apologize, do it like on their behalf.

Almost like, it's like, I'm sorry, but you're kind of being a wuss.

I'm sorry, but I'm

sorry you're a wuss. Like, apologize, but on their behalf, yeah, you're allowed. Like if you wanna disconnect, you're only allowed apologies on their behalf. Yeah. Don't admit wrong the the do never admit wrong. Never admit wrong.

The apology always has to contain a butt if you're gonna apologize at all and like, let's just highly recommend not apologizing if you wanna be disconnected. But if somehow you're kind of cornered into an apology, always add a. But

I'm not sorry for yelling. You made me yell. You were so outrageous with your behavior.

I yelled at you because that was the only reasonable response to what you did. So it's not my fault, it's yours.

Hmm. It just guarantees unresolved, conflict, resentment, and no accountability. That is a recipe for a really crappy relationship that's completely disconnected.

Now, if you don't want to disconnect, like if you're looking for connection with your spouse, well then you should do the opposite.

Maybe learn to apologize sincerely and understand that it's not about being right, it's about being happy and acknowledging that. Even though deep down you might think that your position was a sound one, it's completely subjective, it's just your point of view. And 99 people out of a hundred might have a completely different point of view on that.

So just understand that we all live in our own reality and it's ours alone. Not everyone else's. Not everyone else sees it that way. So if you want to reconnect with your spouse, apologize sincerely and and own often and own your stuff.

Alright, last one. Number five. , what's another way to completely disconnect in a relationship?

Just completely avoid anything that's uncomfortable, any uncomfortable conversations, any opportunities for growth. Just completely ignore those.

Can I say that this is my default? Like my preferred method of operating, if I lived in a vacuum completely, I would like to avoid everything uncomfortable.

Yeah.

It's completely understandable because, you know, we're wired for comfort. Mm-hmm. Fair. But if you want to completely disconnect, follow through, and never, ever approach any uncomfortable situation or conversation.

If there's an issue in your relationship that needs to be talked about, like there's an issue kind of percolating beneath the surface,

you bury that mofo under the rug.

Never talk it. Never talk about it

the plague. Avoid it, never talk about it,

ever. Bury it deep and never tell anyone where it buried. Like

we like all those

bodies. Wait, what?

We need to talk about the budget.

No. Sweep that under the rug. Squirrel. , I'm not interested in that. Squirrel. I'm not interested in that budget.

What if we went for a walk?

Yeah. Let's go for a walk. Void this subject altogether.

, it definitely won't be there. Waiting later.

Oh, compounded like a snowball running downhill. No, it won't. Yeah,

like you can definitely just. Whenever something uncomfortable comes up, there's a, disagreement in your relationship.

Someone said something that kind of hurt you and you don't want to address it or, put up a boundary or, whatever. Just move that to the side. Bury it deep underground, bury it deep inside you never

to be seen again, and

never ever deal with it. It will never come up again.

Mm-hmm.

Like, that's all you need to do is just bury that thing.

Mm-hmm. Avoiding any kind of difficult or uncomfortable conversation ensures that nothing ever gets resolved. So you're gonna fight about the same things over and over and over, why wouldn't you? And over again.

But I mean, there's comfort and familiarity. Why wouldn't we like? , let's just live there.

Love that undercurrent of tension and passive aggressiveness.

Let's just live there.

Yeah,

let's

just live

there. So it's better than dealing with the issue. Nobody wants to deal with the issues, like issues, Ugh, it's such a ick thing. I don't wanna deal with it. And

then, because no, nobody wants to deal with their issues because nobody then wants to actually be on the other side of it and not have to deal with their issues.

Imagine if you, let's say in some that sounds boring, magical world, it kind of

sounds boring. You

did wanna actually get past your issues and feel, but then what? Close and connected again. But then what would

we do? What would we talk

about? You would actually talk about your dreams and your life and how much you're enjoying each other and the fun that you're having.

Nobody's interested in that. Everyone's interested in that, that airy fairy

stuff. Get outta here with that.

If you wanna be connected and you wanna have a. Strong, thriving relationship. That's happy. Talk about the uncomfortable shit if that's your goal. If you wanna have a happy, connected relationship, if you wanna be unhappy, passive, aggressive, and disconnected.

I mean, if you're, avoid it. If you're into happiness, if you're into dreams, if you're being , on the same page, fine. I guess then maybe don't like avoid the uncomfortable stuff. But I mean, come on, who's into that?

So obviously highly sarcastic episode. Highly satirical, highly

do the opposite of the things we said in this.

Do the exact opposite of everything we said in this episode. But before you do that, ask yourself a question. , it was all kind of funny and jokey and whatever. It was fun, but like I said, like avoiding the uncomfortable stuff. If I could do it my way, I would avoid the uncomfortable stuff forever. I don't wanna live in the land of passive aggressive tension, unresolved conflict for the rest of my life.

We

would rather live in the land of sarcasm.

We would rather live in the land of connection and conversation. And

yes,

gratitude and enjoying each other and having fun and living our dreams. That's what we would rather do. So then i's, I meant have to deal with the uncomfortable conversations. So that's just it.

That just is what it is. So any of these five ring a little uncomfortable for you? Maybe you kind of expect them to read your mind just a little bit. Sometimes that's a super duper common one. Maybe you find yourself keeping score, get super honest with yourself. Which one of these do you find yourself falling prey to the most?

And then what are you gonna do about it? We've given you at least . One opposite for each one. So decide which one you're gonna tackle. And. Find an action that you're gonna do starting today. Make a change.

Thanks for joining us on this fun episode of The Royally Podcast, where we are teaching you how to disconnect from your spouse.

Share it with a friend, share it with your spouse, share it with someone who is looking for connection. Love you. Bye bye.

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