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Episode Transcription

  Welcome back to another episode of the Rota Life podcast with Meredith and Craig. And this week we are continuing our theme of recent episodes where we talk about five ways to disconnect from your relationship.

Yep. These are highly. Satirical, sarcastic, but also really fun episodes to do

so. Again, keep in mind that what we're sharing here is the opposite of what you want to do if you are looking to connect in your relationship.

If you're not looking to connect and you're actively looking to disconnect, then take it actually take notes, take words verbatim. We're about to share with you exactly how you can disconnect in your relationship. Mm-hmm. I don't know why we wouldn't just jump right into it. Let should jump

right in because this is always fun.

So the number one, one,

the

number one. The number one way to disconnect in your relationship is be a professional stone Waller. Be a freaking brick wall. Whenever someone tries to bring up any sort of issue to address. Ignore it completely and shut it down. Shut that

conversation down

fast.

, can we talk about the the budget this week? Nope. Mel and just walk away.

We're not having this conversation.

I don't care enough to engage with you. I'm just not interested in this or . This problem that you have that you want to talk to me about is not important to me. You are not important to me.

I'm done with this conversation. Goodbye. I said Goodbye.

And that isn't always exactly the words that are used when someone stonewalls you. That's

essentially what you're saying. But that's the

message that comes across when you stonewall something. The words that are used are usually something closer to, I'm not having this conversation, I'm not

interested in this, I'm not having this conversation, or I don't

have time for this.

This is

gonna lead to a dis a fight and I don't wanna have a fight. We're not doing this.

Or it's just a general. Sneaking out of the room sometimes like, just exit stage left back away. Not today disco lady. So just sneaking outta the room. Ghosting the conversation is a real cowardly way to stonewall.

So congratulations. If that's your go-to move.

Gives bonus points for that. Yeah. Or just ghosting.

Yeah.

So if you're not interested in disconnecting, you want to connect, then avoid stonewalling.

Yeah. Even if the conversation is uncomfortable. 'cause a lot of the important conversations that bring us closer together as a couple are those uncomfortable conversations.

So even when it's uncomfortable. Try to stay in it.

And even if you find in the conversation your emotions maybe getting high, it's okay to take a break. It's okay to step away. Yeah, for for sure. But come back to it and deal with the issue.

Call the timeout on the con. . Don't just leave the room.

Taking a break is akay, but you have to announce the break. Communicate it. Yeah. Communication. I'm not feeling in control of my emotions right now. I'm really upset. I'm gonna need a break to kind of process this and then we can come back and finish this conversation in 20 minutes. Something like that, and then come back and finish the conversation.

But you, otherwise it feels like stonewalling,

but you're not here for that. You're here to disconnect. So stonewall away. When someone brings up something important, you say, we're not having this conversation. I'm out and walk away, ghost them. That's what you do to disconnect. Number two, win every argument at all costs.

The whole point of an argument is obviously to win it. What are you in it for if you're not in it to win it? If we're in it, we're in it to win it. If we're gonna have an argument or some sort of a conflict mm-hmm. I'm winning that SOB

Well that usually means bringing your, A game with sarcasm, blame, and a stubborn refusal to back down from anything.

And admit any fault.

Never admit wrong. You can't win if you admit wrong. You never admit wrong. And , you go in for the jugular. Mm-hmm. And you win that argument.

So it would look something like, maybe if I come to you and say, you know what? I feel like we've been a bit distant lately.

No, you feel distant, maybe.

That's because I'm the only one doing anything around here. I've been here, I'm here distant. I'm here. Where have you been? Where have you been distant? If we're distant, it's only because you haven't been around. , what's your deal? Where have you been, by the way?

So that's a great way to disconnect winning that argument.

In every instance, in every difficult conversation, in every argument, you have the option to choose. To win the argument, or he can choose to be happy and stay connected and grow through the argument. And if you choose to win the argument, then you're choosing to lose the relationship. That's your choice every time.

Well, I mean, that's why we're here. We're looking to disconnect, so win that argument. Or you could stop trying to win and just understand their perspective and resolve the issue, and you both win

that. Choose the relationship instead of choosing to win. It's really up to you,

up to you, but if you're looking to disconnect, win at all costs.

Number three,

delegate all emotional labor.

Yes. What

does that mean?

That means let the other person be in charge of remembering everything, planning for everything, every meal, every dentist appointment, every kid drop off, every kid's activity, every birthday party, every special occasion you delegate all that planning and all that.

Everything to them. They're better at it anyway. Totally. And they might as well. I'm not very good at that stuff. You should just always run

with that. I can't plan myself out of a paper bag. This is your deal. Mm-hmm. Like you are so good at this. You can just manage 150 things. I'll be over here, actually, I'm not even gonna manage myself.

Can you manage me too?

Or just

where am I supposed to be right now?

And in fact, the worst of it is well just tell me how I can help. I've offered to help. Oh, now I have to plan what it is I need you to help with for managing our lives.

Where am I supposed to be right now? Am I when this podcast is over, what have we got going on?

Where, are we going next?

I know you're doing this, but I already wanna punch you in the nose. It's like, , it's like, what do you wanna have for dinner? I don't know. Whatever you want, like. I don't want, like we talked about before, a few episodes ago, I don't wanna be in my masculine energy anymore.

Make a fricking decision. Take some ownership and plan that shit sometimes is how I feel.

Tell me how you really feel.

Did you RSVP for that event this weekend? Oh, that's this weekend. What? What

event?

Oh shoot. I forgot all about it. Oh, back over to me. Now I gotta go and tell them. Apologies for our late RSVP.

We are coming.

To your family's wedding.

Exactly. And this works so well to disconnect because it puts the entire mental load on one person, on one person, making sure they feel completely overwhelmed, unsupported, and probably a little resentful.

You know, it's one of those things where a lot of times, you know, especially when kids are involved, we've got.

A bunch of lives that we need to manage as grownups. I think we just need to own our own stuff and make sure that we're planning and executing and knowing where we're supposed to be. And then, you know what, chip in and help with the kids and where they're supposed to be. And reminding the other person, it's okay if someone forgets there's an event or whatever and you remind, but don't make someone else manage your life for you.

You are a grownup. You are someone who's going through this world. You need to understand where you are supposed to be, what you are supposed to be doing, and how you're supposed to be contributing. If you want to connect, but again, realize that we are here for a different reason. We are here to disconnect.

So completely act like a child and make sure that the other person has to make sure that they are taking care of you as well.

Yeah, pro tip, like you said earlier. Make it seem like they're better at it. So you're doing them a favor by letting them handle it so you don't mess it all up. Number

four,

turn every single argument into a history lesson on what they did wrong last time.

Yeah, bring up the shit from the past and every single argument is a great way to piss them off and disconnect.

Yeah. Keeping score and making sure that they're remembering every time that they made a mistake in your mind. Mm-hmm. That's not even necessarily that they screwed up in the past, it's just your version of it.

Right. So

bonus points, if you bring up something that they've forgiven, that you've forgiven them for,

quote unquote forgiven them, you haven't forgiven them if you keep bringing it up. But if, huge bonus points though.

Yeah.

So it's like you know, I don't think you're listening to me. I don't think you're listening to me.

Oh, just like that time six years ago when you weren't listening to me.

When you forgot my birthday.

Yeah. Throw that shit out.

What about that time? Oh, yeah. Yeah. What about that time when you forgot my birthday?

Well, what about the time you forgot our anniversary.

What about the time that you forgot the pick up the kids at the school.

Remember that time when, the kids calling you, we had the teacher calling you one day? What about that

time you left me on the side of a mountain?

I didn't leave you on the side of a mountain.

You were just too slow. But yeah, I think you get the point.

Pick up. Pick up the pace lady, why this works so well. To disconnect is that when you drag up the past into your fights today, , the fights last longer and they hurt more because nothing ever feels safe anymore. When you

bring up the issue from six years ago, your fight is literally lasting six years.

Yeah, like think about that for a second. If you bring up the past, something happened 6, 10, 12 years ago and you bring it up today, you're still fighting about the past from 12 years ago. Your fight is lasting 12 years. Yep. Life is way too short to be hanging onto that if you're looking to connect. Yeah.

But again, we're looking to disconnect, so hang onto that shit and make sure you've used it as ammunition in the next argument. It

also ensures that they feel like they will never be able to win with you. Like you'll feel like you never can win in this situation with this person. And that's a. Akin to feeling like you're drowning, like you.

You'll never feel like you get your head above water. Like that's a great way to really trash a relationship.

Totally.

Pro tip,

pro tip.

If they try to defend themselves, double down with you, always do this. You never change. This is what you always do. Love it. That'll seal it.

Talking absolutes.

Yeah.

Love it.

Love it. With no examples of anything that you're actually trying to solve. Correct. Just generalities. Love it.

Fifth way to disconnect.

Sarcasm as your primary love language. I'm not gonna lie, I do love a little sarcasm.

Me too.

But you have to use it in the right moments. Oh

yeah. I actually deploy my sarcasm a lot less now than I used to.

Yeah. But if you're looking to disconnect, you should imply it. You should deploy it more. Forget about kindness. Make sarcasm your go-to communication style,

especially when you're trying to have a serious conversation with someone and they start getting sarcastic.

Yeah, just get in there with some biting jokes.

Get in there with a little passive aggressive comment here and there just to really drive the point home.

It's like you're trying to walk up a hill by having a difficult conversation, right? Like it's hard to have a difficult conversation. It's uncomfortable. No one likes it. You're trying to do that.

You're making your way up this hill, and then the sarcasm is like a rock slide, like this avalanche, like just. Firing you all the way back down to the bottom and then burying you under snow.

Yeah. But it's fun. It's fun though to get that biting comment in, to feel like you're, you know, winning one upping, and having a laugh

back to number one on winning every argument.

Did you take out the trash? Of course not. I was too busy being perfect at everything else. No one appreciates sarcasm. I could have just said

no. I, I didn't. No, shoot, I didn't get to it. I didn't get a chance. I'm sorry. I've been busy. Yeah. Can you take that for me? Yeah.

Or I'll, get to it later.

No,

I'll get to that after I do these other 150 things on my to-do list.

Yeah.

By the way, where are you on yours? Oh, I just saw you napping on the couch, right?

Not on the couch. In that lazyboy is your go-to napping spot, whatever.

So anyway,

sarcasm is great for creating confusion for creating resentment for creating disconnection.

'cause your partner will never know if you're joking or you're angry or you're both. And that's gonna keep them always on edge and no one does well when they're always on edge.

And if you really wanna take it up a notch, add an eye roll and some real contempt behind it. Yeah.

Contempt always elevates the disconnection game.

That's a very good pro tip. Just

add, a little eye roll and a dismissive, you know, tone. Yeah. And comment and air about it. Yeah. To really set in the contempt, to really hammer home the disconnection. Yeah. Because as we talked about,

contempt is the number one killer of relationships. Yeah. So dive in hard on the sarcasm with a little contempt, and then really turn it up a notch. So that's how you can disconnect. Mm-hmm. And again, this was completely satirical. If you're looking to reconnect or connect in your relationship, then avoid all of these five things.

Completely Do the opposite. Do the opposite of these five things. But if you aren't, if you're looking to disconnect, then do these things. Mm-hmm. They'll be fun.

And so , we had fun with you today. This was a lot of fun for us. And we know you enjoy these little, episodes when you put them out.

Because I think they hit home a little bit. And so I invite you to reflect and all of these crop up a little bit here and there for all of us. And so which one of these five that we talked about today, do you find sneaks in more than the rest? And have a look at why. And by raising your awareness on it, you're more likely to catch yourself doing it and turn it off before it creates a lot of distance and disconnection for you.

So. A little bit of self-reflection would be the recommended action to take from this little chitchat. But if you've got a better one, feel free and also share this episode with a friend because we all do this and it is impacting all of our relationships. So share this episode so that we can all start to weed out these disconnection points from our relationships so we can all live in more peace and joy, and happiness and love.

That's it for this week. Love you more. Bye.

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